前陣子看爸爸的學生（小六年級）的作文，題目大概是記暑假的一件事之類。當中有一篇文令我印象很深刻！那個小女孩說暑假裡她的婆婆去世了，但她一點也沒有傷心，反而有點開心！因為她覺得她的婆婆很麻煩，經常跟別人吵架！我覺得這篇文章不是虛構出來的，我想她真的在說她的心底話。其實我看後有點驚怕、憤怒！我不能相信人與人之間的關係竟到了如此疏離的地步！若她說她沒有感覺我倒也能相信，但她竟然對一個身邊的人的死亡感到開心，為的是沒有人再煩她！這到底是一個怎麼樣的世界？
感覺上上年是很難過的一年。記得在元旦當日香港就發生蘭桂坊事件；從那時起，我開始關心這個社會、這個世界，但發覺這大半年真有很多天災人禍！那時我開始有個心願，我希望世界和平，我真的希望這樣！【I can feel your heart beat and the swell of tears!】記得有次深圳的化工廠發生大火，死傷嚴重。當我聽到這宗新聞的時候，我心中產生一種莫明的憤慨！不知怎的，我那時真的很憤怒，我有很多事也不明白！為甚麼一個好端端的人會無緣無故死去？其實不幸的消息並沒有停止過！前陣子又有印度大地震！犧牲的，都是無辜的人！又記得暑假時曾經有一段新聞，內容大概是說兩種族不和，當中有人主張平息鬥爭，和平共處；但說這些話的人竟然被攻擊，有些人竟然反對和平！雖然我不是他們當中的一分子，但總有點感覺！我不明白為甚麼那些人總要鬥個你死我活的！我不明白為甚麼那些人能夠看見別人無辜喪生仍不懂反省！我覺得這些人很自私！不錯，我對整個世界充滿疑問和不滿，但我似乎做不了甚麼！有時我會覺得自己想太多問題的！我也不知道自己是否在無病呻吟。我很記得曾經有一個人說過，『在你怨這個社會之前，請先問問你自己貢獻過甚麼！』這是一句我常常用來作自我反省的話！你會否覺得我想得太多呢？……
最近看了一齣電影（港產片），這齣電影得到不少讚賞，而我也很喜歡這套電影；我不懂評價演員的演技、導演的拍攝手法之類，但我喜歡這套電影帶出的訊息。很記得電影完場時銀幕打出了一段患癌少女對其懷才不遇的男友的一番話：『若然生命對我來說是難得的，那麼，這個世界便沒有解決不了的事情。』不知道有多少觀眾因這番話而作出反省呢？……
理想？談何容易？是否要實現理想，就要學會妥協？【絕不！】究竟我們是要學懂堅持，還是要學懂妥協？【是前者，雖然要捱的苦頭不少。】這個世界是否真的有公平？為甚麼大部份人都甘心將憤怒和不滿抑壓？為甚麼有些人總是要嘲笑小朋們的天真和真我？為甚麼有些人能夠利用別人而毫不感到汗顏？我還有很多、很多問題！最終我會得到答案嗎？
【神造你這腦袋一點也不白費。這些問題該是任何一個活著的人都該思想的，雖然答案真不是一下子可以找著。我還沒有找到問題背後的原因，然而我相信妥協就是放棄尋找，我不想放棄，也不想讓我的腦袋空置著，相信你也會這樣，同志！】
【節錄自重讀中五那一年的第三次週記】（黃色的是老師給我的回應）
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看了這篇週記，我第一個感覺是「我真的很黐線！」，真的難為了老師，每次也要看我怨這怨那……當時的我，大概也可以用憤世嫉俗來形容吧。事隔十數年，雖然我仍然想問句，世界，有和平過嗎？戰爭，有停止過嗎？人與人之間，有愛嗎？但我也真的沒有火鳥。我不是放棄尋找答案，只是，或者，有時我也想快樂一點。我是一個普通人，我沒有甚麼使命，有些話，或者就由別人代我說出來吧！
不知道我所提及的小女孩，如今對於自己當初有這樣的想法，會有甚麼感想？03年我失去了我的婆婆，那個我會永遠掛念的婆婆。我很喜歡方大同的Goodbye Melody Rose，因為，這是他獻給他已去世的婆婆的一首歌。
至於文中所說的那齣電影，大概就是「新不了情」吧！我還記得當年「新不了情」在金像獎奪得多項殊榮，偏偏就是失落了最佳男主角；我十分記得爾冬陞導演領獎時在台上說過要給劉青雲一部拿男主角的電影。最終，這個我兒時眼中的「fit佬」，等了十多年，仍未能一嘗香港電影金像獎最佳男主角的滋味！但我會陪他等！
理想、妥協，十多年後我發覺其實也並不一定要二取其一，就算你學懂堅持，或學會妥協，又如何呢？就正如我之前也說過，在中間取得平衡點，能夠取中庸之道而又可以自處，才是最難。
我的想法，可改變了不少，但世界似乎倒沒有怎樣變過（或許有，越變越壞？），很喜歡Where Is The Love 這首歌，因為我再沒有力氣說的，它都給我說出來了。我要學習少點憤怒，多點愛，多點包容。
我倒真的有點奇怪為甚麼一個應該忙於準備會考的中五生，會花這麼多時間去想這麼問題？我想，我知道，因為一個人的離開改變了我，我想他在天國也過得不錯吧。
今天又病鳥。其實已經「蘊釀」鳥一段日子啦，只是先前都硬著頭皮撐下去（因為有工作要完成吧！），今天終於都撐不過來啦！半夜還痛得我醒鳥……
今天的毒物推介就是Where Is The Love 啦！我喜歡這首歌和添百力無關啊，當時我還未喜歡添百力啦！:>
What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love
It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead in spreading love we spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
