We overcome biology with consciousness in a police shieldcould hold me upside down and drain my gutschange your mind other areas. For example, storing large amounts of fatwas necessary to survive when food was scarce, so we evolved to crave

it and consume it when it’savailable. But in this era of plenty, we no longer need large amounts of fuel in reserve, so instead ofsimply giving in to this

inclination, we exercise and limit caloric intake. We use willpower to combatbiology, or at least we try. So even if “mother knows best” is rooted in biology, it

need not be writtenin stone. A willing mother and a willing father are all it requires. Yes, goes into the lunch box, but as Katie will

attest, it does not have to be Mom.

As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home. I have seenso many women inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share

by being toocontrolling or critical. Social scientists call this “maternal gatekeeping,” which is a fancy term for“Ohmigod, that’s not the way you do it! Just

move aside and let me!”

When it comes to children,fathers often take their cues from mothers. This gives a mother great power to encourage or impedethe father’s involvement. If she acts as

a gatekeeper mother and is reluctant to hand overresponsibility, or worse, questions the father’s efforts, he does less.

Whenever a married woman asks me for advice on coparenting with a husband, I tell her to let himput the diaper on the baby any way he wants as long as he’s doing it

himself. And if he gets up to dealwith the diaper before being asked, she should smile even if he puts that diaper on the baby’s head.