今日唔知做咩,發生左好多唔開心事,今日又遲到,呢到其實都唔係咩大件事!!!!!今日放學返到屋企,我中一ga一個fd係msn叫我,以下係我地ga對話:

(之前普通對話跳過)

某:喂,點呀而家同條女                                                                                              我:女咩鬼呀,唔好提啦                                                                                                 某:做咩呀,比人飛呀

我:都怪我自己一箱情願,佢都冇愛過我

某:係你笨ja,人地有男朋友你都以為有可能,自己想死

我:咁愛一個人有罪咩

某:唔係有罪,但係你自己都要用腦嫁,咁愛一個人,佢叫你死係唔係死先

我:係!!!!如果我愛佢,我會

某:x!!你都白痴嫁,我唔知佢係唔係為左你d $啦,但係我只係知道,佢根本自己知道唔可以同你一齊但係又見你,明玩野

我:但係我到而家都愛佢,係事實

某:咁又點ja,你有問過佢點咩

我:..........我都唔知佢而家點啦,我同佢都唔知仲係唔係朋友,大家都冇野講

某:唔係大家冇野講,係你唔夠薑搵人ja

我:我怕佢.....怕佢會咩呀馬

某:咩都好啦,你唔講就咩都唔知

我:講左都冇用啦,有d有人地生活,仲煩佢唔夠咩,佢一定覺得我好煩啦

某:唔同你講啦......

當我同佢講完之後,我咩都冇做,坐左係到諗頭先ga野,佢講得冇錯,我一箱情願但係都冇理過佢感受,以為佢愛我又點又點咁,講真,我到而家先明白,我冇權去迫人愛我,如果我愛佢,我係應該見到佢快樂,唔係去煩佢!!!!!仲有就係,我真係好想知我同佢仲係唔係朋友,到而家我同佢都冇講過野,可以我應該主動d,但係如果佢覺得我煩咁點呢,而且,我怕再同佢講野我又會諗起以前d野,我真係唔知點好,但係,我真係好難忘記佢,佢每一樣野我列而家都記得好清楚,我唔知佢男朋友對佢點,我只係知道我明知佢有男朋友我就唔可以亂來,佢會好辛苦,以上ga野係因為佢唔睇我日記先打出來,唔係怕會令佢誤會............

第二件事就係我睇左我個第二個fd ga日記,係講佢條女要去中國兩年去做訓練,今日佢條女就問佢去唔去好,兩個都好唔捨得,好似好慘咁!!!!!!但係唔知點解,係我心中ga感覺唔係覺得佢地好慘,而係.........我好妒忌,個男ga可以等女ga兩年,女ga又為左個男ga可以等兩年,兩個都深愛對方。自問,自己有冇過咁ga愛情,一d都冇,之前拍散拖,到而家真正愛上一個唔愛得ga人,一直都係冇有成果,可能我咁細過冇可能會拍4-5年等結婚,但係,我到而家先明白我拍咁耐拖都根本得唔到,或者話唔明咩係真愛,咩係幸福,可能我唔識同人相處,我開始覺得自己愈來愈寂寞,愈來愈遠離人,我唔知自己仲可以忍受幾耐,講真,我累啦,我真係有d厭世,我怕...我怕再忍唔到的話,我唔知我會做d咩,可能我平時表面上好開心,冇煩腦,但係講真我心入面真係好唔舒服,我開始唔得啦,我扮唔到好耐,我...我好痛苦,有冇人可以幫下我呀................

我再度流淚.................................