It was christmas eve. I was so sick with my heavy fever. But yet. I still hope i can meet with him. As it was christmas. Every girl wanted to spend their christmas eve with their boy. I promised my friend to go out. Actually deep inside my heart. I was just waiting to meet kokvui. I did sms him. He told me not to disturb him. Lol. Fine. He went fishing as there might be checking on that nite. I waited for him. So when he had done fishing. Might as well send me a message. But ended up i was the one who rang him. He told me to go home. He was annoyed with my attitude he told me. We're just friends. He told me. Since when we became friends?. I questioned. I was so puzzled. Guess what he answer? Since when we have been in relationship? Since when we were couple? And then i understand. From the beginning. He treated me just as a friend. Same for now. I was too stupid then. Lol. Im so bitch. Dewdrops dispersed in my eyes. In the end. I ended up crying myself to sleep for this christmas. Memories can kill me. For memories go through my mind every moment. Even now. While im typing. I cant control my mind. I once thought. I might take overdose of panadol again. To get back his care. But i know it was totally wrong. I was once stupid and i wont be so silly for the second time. He's gone forever. A million words wouldn't bring him back. I know because i've tried. Neither a million tears. I know because I've cried. My face bored him. My voice disgusted him. My sore annoyed him. My tears sickened him. There's only one thing that i wont let him down. I was once told. I was wanted from him for this. Yea. Love is blind. Duh. How lame. He wound rather text other girl but not me. He would invite other girl to watch him playing in basketball semi. But telling me i dont need to go. I baked him a cake. Hoping to hand it to him while having a chance to meet him. Yet. He would rather ask his friend to get it for him. Lol. I tease myself so hard. I hate myself for falling for him. I missed the old him. I just want him close where he can stay forever. I miss how he kissed me. I know it would be like what's going on now once he felt my breath. But it's too late to regret. I prayed that i might have to choose again. I would rather be his best friends for life. I missed him for being my best friend. I miss the way he texted me when we were friends. I missed him for singing love songs to me. I missed him for looking into my eyes. Coz I cant see myself inside his eyes anymore. He's not looking at me. He's looking through me. Lol. However. I still feel satisfy.