so as i was waiting for you to be on.. but you never on and be honest i don't need a guy that don't cherish me.. and i wondered what has changed us and everything else.. seems like i mean nothing toward you and perhaps i don't really mean anything after all.. i was hoping you be on but i guess it was just a lie and after all i finally realized that i mean nothing toward you and finally understand that WoW means more toward you than me and i finally is giving up on the love i have for you and this is so hard cause i love you and i'm telling myself is better that i give up on you rather than having us lasting forever and everything else i'm starting to have myself not to believes in love and to care about us no more...*sigh* idk.. but i guess if i mean something toward you you would always find a way to put me in your life...

ironicly i have dreams of us and the feeling was so real but after all it was just a dream that ain't gonna happens since i left new york at june 27th, 2008!! the feeling of us i should've know it was going to fade away it was innocent me thinking we could last but be truly i meant nothing toward you...i finally realized the concept of first love can never be true at least i know it isn't gonna happens in between us.. i hate you but i hate myself the most for me loving you..this stinks...i love you so much and seems like i meant nothing toward you or not even someone that you could love fully... perhaps from the beginning we weren't really meant to be...

As i woke up from my nap, kenneth was on and he imed me and he told me how like he likes me and how i should give him a chance of having him care and cherish me and he would always make me happy as he said i should give him some confident to have us dating... but how can i when i only love you? and he even asked me out to be his girlfriend but i told him that i can't even tho mike and i would either be together or not.. i still can't cause no one would ever understand what we went through together and how mike in my heart isn't replaceable and i even said toward him i won't dated him even when mike and i aren't together cause it is not fair toward three of us when i like mike and when mike like me and i force myself to date kenneth..

idk what to do but surely im sure love will always find a way and it will conquer every troubles...the love i have for you was never changed or anything else and i love you so much.. and just wished you love  me as well and maybe we can talk it out and be a perfect fairytale but what's the chance of that? like 1% *sigh* i don't want to date a guy that doesn't cherish me and i don't want myself to be heartbroken no more.. my heart now is like a shutter of glass broken into pieces and i will have to heal it up by myself although it hurts when i pick up each pieces to glue it back together the glass cut right into my finger and let it bleed...

tell and show me what is love?

Michael Thomas Raphael Jakala wish i can be the lucky girl to have you forever...