since yesterday i tripped in the sewage and i didn't  see the hole i got blusise on my right elebles and my my shoulder and def on my left knee fucking a the blusise is huge it almost cover up my knee and it hurts so bad but since we're gone i had learned that i must take everything bad all by myself because you left me in the cold and in the dark and now is up to me to control every thing else so i learn to take all the scars and blusise and mostly after that i will be fine to take care all my bleedings but i don't need any bandaches because i don't give a shit and i will live on and let me bleed but it will stop eventually !!

i had the worst nightmare last night why because i had a dream of fire disease and it took away my mom and dad and phil away from me and now i was left with nothing but myself i was so sad and the insurance compant said will pay me so much but i don't want it at all because all i want is dad and mom and phil to be back with me and tha's all i ever wanted but after they died i have to go to a person to register their death and so they will have better life for next life... however it was pretty weird i must say!!

發惡夢我夢見因為一場火災而且令我失去左daddy,mommy,同細佬之後我要同管理死後個位問米婆交代我爸媽細佬既出生日期之後他地上左架bus個架bus竟然穿牆同5見左lu,從此再冇見過他地!!好心痛地醒左希望永遠5會發生!!!

今日finish exam之後helen同我講原來我班同學仔一開學就鐘意我因為我太寸而講野就不小心地傷害到他地5好意思ar!!!原來helen係一直地幫我只不過係我豬怪錯好人啦!!!她亦有同我講原來有點同學5鐘意我因為我太鬼妹仔講野太直有些口不擇言,對5住ar對個d我不小心傷害我真係冇心架!!對5住,我太寸,我會努力change!!!對5住菲!!好多謝你一直既照顧!!!多謝你咁撐我!! helen 多謝你對我既包容同体諒再次thank you, 我仲咁豬不停地hurt你,我真係小人之心!!!SOR ar!!! 萬分抱歉!!!

今日好黑仔ar行行下會5小心in左個sewage跟住就仆左係度好彩手落先否則就要去hospital!!! 隻feet in左個sewage度,嘩真係高ar 我只有我先可以做得出囉!!! 唉!!約你見面真係黑,係度唸你一定係我黑星!!不過見你今日願意同我行街就算啦!!份禮物我估計到你買左個本書俾我因為你係我地兩個5開心個陣買亦因為我同朋友之間有問題你亦知道我係好灰\所以想俾courage我企返起身多謝你!!多謝你咁撐我!!原來你真係傻架!!!   ( 笑)   你真係個乖乖仔又夠老友!!難怪他對你這麼死心塌地!!!

買完野俾miss同suunny sir就去睇grandma她面色好左好多睇起來年輕左面色又紅潤好替她開心ar!!琴日嚇死我啦好做做下運動都可以暈既不過doctor話好血壓高要食藥好彩她冇事,我今日同她講她要身體好先可以見到我畢業見到我結婚生仔雖然我都5知會5會發生不過至少可以俾好知道她既前路5只係得黑色而亦係彩色架!!!結婚 有邊個會鐘意咁寸既女仔我唸都係斯文既女仔多,我唸我要做修女lu!!!

返工好累!!我本應有好多想講既野不過5記得lu!!!今日好攪笑我媽無啦啦問起你?O左嘴囉!! 好累!!　

skinnymangramps (12:41:07): it def is his loss, ur a special person and anyone would be lucky to be with u

skinnymangramps (12:02:57): somthings just arent meant to be, theres this little thing called fate, no matter what either of u did ur relationship would end a certain way, this couldve just been a learning experience, now im not saying its hopless just dont get ur hopes up, we have no control over fate all u can do is sit back and have faith that everything will turn out for the best
cause it will

skinnymangramps (9:27:41): when u get ready to head out the door this morning, right before u go out, take a deep breath and throw on a big smile. The world and the day was created for u and u should enjoy in and not be sad, be happy and spread ur happiness to others around u. if u ever do feel sad just stop take a breath look around and say what a great day it is, dont let little things get u down cause u got things to do. Enjoy life, cause its just too short   

skinnymangramps (22:50:49): are u serious, as far as i can see i am having trounle picturing u as a bad gf, ur one of the nicest ppl i know,  if it was meant to be then it was meant to be

skinnymangramps (23:53:45): i just eel like a broken record that keeps repeating things, ill i can say is that its natural, almost veryone goes through this, somthin will click in ur mind sooner or later

ohxbisquick (11:11:49): yeah. youve been doing really well without him. a lot better than i thought you would, no offense.

ohxbisquick (11:39:55): exactly. he lost something really good for him. but if he was stupid enough to give it up then he doesnt deserve it.

ohxbisquick (11:42:27): you want a smart nice boy

ohxbisquick (11:42:55): hey honey i didnt realize how late it was i gotta sleep. but please dont be sad. youre beautiful and wonderful and you shouldnt let some stupid boy affect you. you deserve so much better than how he treated you. so get happy!!

Thank You Gina... i heart you and thanks for being there for me to go through this hard part!

this morning i woke up and telling myself that i need to study and do my research paper, but then i suddenly think of mike and i'm not understanding for all the words he said toward me telling me that i'm the girl that he wants to be with and getting marry with but then he broke all his promises and not keeping it happens and leaving me in the cold and now i have to pick up my shatter heart with my hands and to put tape on it for it to stay together. now i'm left with nothing and i don't get how can he breaks all his promises saying he won't break my heart but at the end he be the one that is doing it and how weak are you, doing this to me.. i believe every couples will have a down time to where the time the sparks will be almost gone but the feeling you give me is that you don't even try to put more woods to keep it going, where's your courage of believing and where's your faith adn trust you told me not to lost? and now you lost all that things you told me...i'm really heart broken to you and i can't believe how much affect you're still doing toward me.. i wanna scream out i wanna yell at you i wanna tell you i really love you and i wanna tell you that we can do it, but everything is too late when you just give up on us and tell me that we're impossible to be together anymore, you make me lost faith and trust to love and dating because now i know that it doesn't happened no more and i can't believe you break my fairytale of having a happy ending, for this article i don't think you will ever read it but i want to express myself.. is not that anyone would read it either, but i want to write in a world that no one knows my life.. and qooza is the place. Do you know i miss you? and DO you know I still love you even you say right in my face that you only likes me as a friend or even liking another girl. i wish you could trust in us more than just letting us go..

琴晚發夢見到ar sir 同miss同班細佬個feeing真係好開心架!!!又發夢籃球win左ar sir不過都話係發夢點可能係真架!!不過我相信只要我不放棄我有一日一定可以win他!!!努力加油!!! 不過有好多蛇蟲鼠蟻,好奇怪ar!!今日見到細佬仔不禁地笑起來,不過好累對住部computer 6個鐘,返度屋企又對!! 唉!!!我冇藥可help!!!

真係好鐘意惡作劇之吻ar好好睇好sweet!!!

結婚那天，老婆用買戒指的錢給我買了一款手機。

那天夜裡，我們兩人在被窩裡一遍遍地調試著手機的響鈴。

我們覺得，生活就像這鈴聲，響亮、悅耳，充滿著憧憬和希望。

從那天開始，我常常接到她的電話：

「老公，下班了買點菜回家。」

「老公，我想你，我愛你。」

「老公，晚上一起去媽媽家吃飯。」

我的心裡十分溫暖。有一次，我忘了給手機充電，又恰好陪領導到基層，應酬到半夜才回到家，

推開房門一看，我發現老婆早已哭紅了眼睛。

原來從我下班時間開始，她每隔一刻鐘就打一次電話，我出了服務區。

老婆更加著急，總以為發生了什麼意外，後來每隔十分鐘打一次，直到我推開家門，她剛把話筒放下。

我對老婆的小題大做不以為然：「我又不是小孩子，還能出什麼事情？」

老婆卻說有一種預感，覺得我不接電話就不會回來了，

我拍拍老婆的腦袋，笑了：「傻瓜！」不過，從此以後我一直沒有忘記及時給手機充電。

後來我升了職，有了錢，手機換了好幾個。

突然有一天，我想起欠著老婆的那枚戒指，便興沖沖地拉她去商廈。

可是她又猶豫了，說：「白金鑽戒套在手指上有什麼用啊？給我買個手機好嗎？

我可以經常跟你聯繫。」於是我就給她買了一個手機。

那天，我們一個在臥室，一個在客廳，互發著短信息，玩得高興極了。

一天夜裡，我和同事到朋友家玩牌，正玩在興頭上，

老婆打來了電話：「你在哪裡？怎麼還不回家？」「我在同事家裡玩牌。」

「你什麼時候回來？」

「呆會兒吧。」

輸了贏，贏了輸，老婆的電話打了一次又一次。

外面下起了大雨，老婆的電話又響了：「你究竟在哪裡？在幹什麼？快回來！」

「沒告訴你嗎？我在同事家玩，下這麼大的雨我怎麼回去！」

「告訴我你在什麼地方，我來接你！」「不用了！」

一起打牌的朋友都嘲笑我「妻管嚴」，一氣之下，我把手機關了。

天亮了，我輸得兩手空空，朋友用車子把我送回家，不料家門緊鎖，老婆不在家。

就在這時，電話響了，是岳母打來的，電話那頭哭著說：

她深夜冒著雨出來，騎著自行車，帶著雨傘去我同事家找，找了一家又一家，

路上出了車禍，再也沒有醒來。

我打開手機，只見上面有一條未讀留言：「你忘記了嗎？今天是我們的結婚週年紀念曰呀！

我去找你了，別亂跑，我帶著傘！」

她走在找我的路上，永遠不會再醒來了。

我淚流滿面，一遍遍看著這條短信息，我覺得那一個晚上我輸了整個世界。

老婆去世已經3 個月，可我仍然無法從噩夢中醒來，

我不想工作，整曰消沉萎靡，並且一次次想到了陪她而去……

轉貼此文章的目的，就是要大家都學會珍惜！

不要讓愛你的人受到一絲一毫的傷害！

不要等到失去了，才痛不欲生！

如果，你感動了，就請頂一下，不要讓它沉下去。。

讓更多的人看到它！讓更多的人學會珍惜！

好YEAH!!! Finally 上度Qooza!!! yesterday 同ar Sir 打波他真係令我好眼紅,又高又勁!!不過他好運他高姐!!!  Yesterday返工見到好多細佬仔,見到他地笑係度玩我就好開心!!因為我知道細佬仔係可愛天真既天使!!好開心見到細佬仔,有時我好眼紅因為他地個種開心係冇價錢可以代替,係冇煩惱要唸,原來人大大下就好多野會唸!!!不過細佬仔真係有能力令世界開心d!!!  today同你傾msn你好似有d嬲我5知ar,不過,我唸大家真係要d時間,我真係冇心傷你,你知嗎?你係一個我可以信既人,雖然你5講好多野但係我知你有用個心去聆聽我所講既野,多謝你, thank you!! 但係我亦不知不覺地做左你地既第三者,你知我好難受?我咁大個女係第一次咁內久,我由細細個開始我同自己講我5會俾自己做第三者,唉! 5知ar! today我細佬同我經過冒險樂園他問我不如叫埋你出來下次一起玩而我同他講5知ar他5得閒!! 唉!!!5知ar!!!

我好5開心ar!! TOFEL 成績5係咁好!!唉! 我真係好豬!!! 好5開心ar!!!死火啦,可能要重測tim!!要努力ar, Jennifer Chan!!! 我要找MISS 幫下我囉!!!請請!!!

真係好鐘意細佬仔,好可愛ar!

today返工好累!!today5太夠專心5知點解!!!見到好多好cute既野就好想買來送俾你做聖誕不過唉,算吧!!可能真係為左我地好啦,5知ar!!我today突然覺得自己好自利不知不覺地傷害他!!我本冇心傷任何人,只想身邊人可以好開心!! 我有時寧願我冇出世,咁我地就5駛咁5開心!!5再係一個或係兩個人而係周圍既人都有影響,試問我仲有咩可以做,難道你有失憶症?我知道有好多人因我地而係好5開心,唉!! 我5知點面對你,我好似做左你地中間既第三者!!好無奈!!每當我睇完他每天日記,我個心好痛因為我傷他好深而而家又再一次心碎!!!我自己都好明白俾人違棄既feeling我自己都5知想點??見到你同他受傷係我最5想見到既事,所以我唸只要你對我失望或放棄我地既友誼可能我地三個會開心點!!! who knows... but sure i know god will lead me through the way.. and another day is busy...i must say your english has improved a lot since i first met you!

原來當你俾我看他既blog我就開始慢慢地明白你同他既ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐ５係我唸得咁簡單而你地之間有種好強烈既ｃｏｎｎｅｃｔｉｏｎ！！！我亦慢慢地知道你對他係非常重要，但我就慢慢地把你係他身邊奪去，他的心一定好痛！！我明白那心痛因為我也俾我所鐘意既人傷得好深好似把我既心碎了一千萬次而冇野可以令我心愎原！！所以我知道由而家起５傷害他就係要令你對我完全失望，對５住ａｒ！！我真係５知我仲可以為你地做ｄ咩而令他心５係咁痛唯一方法就係我５再係你地既中間咁樣我唸大家都會開心ｄ！！！　我５想再見到你夾係我地中間所以一定要令你嬲左我，我替你苦！同你一起真係好好玩佔５到你係可以有好多野講只不過係怕羞姐！！多謝你為我所做既一切！！！

原來你同我5再一起而經差5多3個月但係我對你原來係好掛住你對我既溫柔不過我亦慢慢地放手係為了我地的好因為真正地愛一個人係為左他開心就夠!!!你令我大個女亦令我知道愛情不是童話!!!祝你開心快樂!!!

 

你令我太失望,估5到你係d咁既人

 

 i miss you sweetheart... idk what to do..? i want us to talk but i don't wnat us to agrue and i love you i don't understand why we have to act this way with each other and just pretend we don't want to talk with each other well mostly on me? *sigh* idk.. but maybe when u feel the answer is right you will come back to secure me =) for me and your game? i want a solution.. so go figured who knows..?? SUMMER09?

let me know how was your first chinese class...k babe love you?

 i wondered how was your day for school.. it must reminds you so much of me when you're learning chinese and everything else muhmm.. i miss you!!! and i wanna hear about your day but we'll all sees what happens truly i miss talking with you, but i want to hear from you that u would give me a good  solution of what u think for us..? yup.. ^_^ school at 10 after 9... i will ttyl be thinking of you sweetheart

 once again.. you imed me and each time you do that i do have the urge to talk with u but i don't at the same time cause mostly i don't know how will i face you and be honest i don't know what i stand in your mind... as we learned in econ.. there's always a thing for giving up something for the alternative values and is call the opporuntunity cost.. i wonder what is yours? seems like each day the more i force myself not to be sad the more it hits me the more i'm depress i always tho i was one strong emotionally girl that can handle anything no matter how tough it be the life must on..for me and i will just have to held myself up high to do that... and it kills me more when i know that you really cares for me but u can't show me i can see that you logged in just to read how was my day and what's my comment for the day especially you know that i'm upset but  yet i wouldn't tlak to you and i bet that hurts you a lot and i know it does cause at the same time it hurts me for not talking toward you.. and why is al cause i'm so scared that each time we talk will ending up the last time we're ever gonna talk or  even being online talking with each other as a couple..as each time you imed  me it feels like a knife goes through me to remind myself that having you is the bestest thing ever happend in my life and you're the one that brings fairytales toward me but at the end it just crushed down and i really don't know what to do.. i'm so afraid everytime we talk would be the last time... i never tho love would is so strong it takes out the whole portions out of you.. and mostly i don't regret loving you... i'm so scard and afraid and idk how to show you more that ur the most important person in my life and idk.. how to show you more that ur the one that i love...*confuse* does distance really makes that much of differnce to dissolve the times we fought together, to vanish the memory we have together, to make us disaapear from each other's life? i don't want distance to be in between us.. i want to be with you now and forever till we're old peeps and i want to be with you throughout the rest of my life.... and as i learned if something is important it will always find a way to achieve it...

show me the meaning of love.. i want to feel it..

from now on i will get a blindfold and hopefully u can be the one that leads me

 so today was a weird day.. although i have a feeling of idk ow to explain yet when u first imed me this morning i was shocked by it and even more i was shocked that i would talk to you.. i tho i would at least ignre you for a little bit *sigh* idk.. i just want an answer and i don't think anyone in the world are able to share the one they love the most!! so idk.. b4 u can't give me an answer i don't think i be able to talk with u too much!?!? but i do want to talk to you is the matter of fact of how you will handle us....

 so as i was waiting for you to be on.. but you never on and be honest i don't need a guy that don't cherish me.. and i wondered what has changed us and everything else.. seems like i mean nothing toward you and perhaps i don't really mean anything after all.. i was hoping you be on but i guess it was just a lie and after all i finally realized that i mean nothing toward you and finally understand that WoW means more toward you than me and i finally is giving up on the love i have for you and this is so hard cause i love you and i'm telling myself is better that i give up on you rather than having us lasting forever and everything else i'm starting to have myself not to believes in love and to care about us no more...*sigh* idk.. but i guess if i mean something toward you you would always find a way to put me in your life...

ironicly i have dreams of us and the feeling was so real but after all it was just a dream that ain't gonna happens since i left new york at june 27th, 2008!! the feeling of us i should've know it was going to fade away it was innocent me thinking we could last but be truly i meant nothing toward you...i finally realized the concept of first love can never be true at least i know it isn't gonna happens in between us.. i hate you but i hate myself the most for me loving you..this stinks...i love you so much and seems like i meant nothing toward you or not even someone that you could love fully... perhaps from the beginning we weren't really meant to be...

As i woke up from my nap, kenneth was on and he imed me and he told me how like he likes me and how i should give him a chance of having him care and cherish me and he would always make me happy as he said i should give him some confident to have us dating... but how can i when i only love you? and he even asked me out to be his girlfriend but i told him that i can't even tho mike and i would either be together or not.. i still can't cause no one would ever understand what we went through together and how mike in my heart isn't replaceable and i even said toward him i won't dated him even when mike and i aren't together cause it is not fair toward three of us when i like mike and when mike like me and i force myself to date kenneth..

idk what to do but surely im sure love will always find a way and it will conquer every troubles...the love i have for you was never changed or anything else and i love you so much.. and just wished you love  me as well and maybe we can talk it out and be a perfect fairytale but what's the chance of that? like 1% *sigh* i don't want to date a guy that doesn't cherish me and i don't want myself to be heartbroken no more.. my heart now is like a shutter of glass broken into pieces and i will have to heal it up by myself although it hurts when i pick up each pieces to glue it back together the glass cut right into my finger and let it bleed...

tell and show me what is love?

Michael Thomas Raphael Jakala wish i can be the lucky girl to have you forever...

 haha i'm not too sure why am i on this blog is not liek the person that i love would read this article so today was just a weird day cuz i really wanted to talk to him but hes busy with his friend's grad and busy with the video games and everything else it just seems like things are already getting in our ways already i just wishes i cna be with him and a call or a im would be nice but i think he is busy and so was i? so who knows well i hope he can call me just to tell me he loves me

just boired and want to type on this bog i miss mike jakala damn i just wish ic an be in his arms 

haven't been on here for a long time now

this seems like my page to write on when i'm not happy for the mood

so much in my mind idk if i'm so important toward u anymore 

idk what i means to u but it just seems as i'm not a secure person

somethings has hit me hard shot through my heart and now

i'm lost and fear and confuse

i just wish i'm what u says i'm meant toward u

i have this curiousity to ask

but now is not the mood for me to ask 

it just the feelings of u toward me!

is nto that important anyway

well i love u so much and i'm not so sure if i will be able to stay in ur heart forever

seems like other things has taken over my place

who knows? god has a plan RIGHT!

i love you are the words i want to feel it don't just say it

show me the action!

I LOVE YOU 

      ready to smash spencer in the head  against the wall becuz he is annoying the shit outta me and

sarah will help! so now i shall kill u forever!

i just have to say mike jakala and i

are the perfectest couple i ever seen in life

we can read each others mind like our own

and this is amazing cuz all i cna think about is him 

if i'm lucky enough to have him to be mine

wow i cna see the jealous in other girls eyes

thank you god for him

i feels like i'm the luckiest person

and i had this deep feelings in my heart we're meant to be

such as our last recaination and now is a continusously story

each person will always have a fairytale in their life

is the matter of fact if u can find ur prince charming

is hard and that's y life is a bitch

but finding the one that u would willing to spent the rest of ur life with

everythign is worth it even death

all i have to say is i love mike jakala so much i would never hurt his heart

not a good day of starting the weekend

kinda crappy

but the suny is up high and is brighten on my face

my heart is hurt and sad and depress

i have no direction where i need to go

i'm lost and everything else

i dont' want to be someoen that i'm not

i don't want to make him feels good to do something i don't like

this is something i have to go through by myself!

don't get this dont' get life.

don't wnat to be here just want to be myself!

CONFUSE AND HURT!

today flippes shits out cuz i was very grumpy today idky dont' ask girls just get very cranky out of nothign and everything else.. sry at ppl that i flippes shit out at ! i was just so mad and sad at one point and can't think straight !! well now things are over and i'm glad i have mike so i guess we'll take it as slow as we want and we dont' need to rush into thigns ! cuz true love dont' need to rush into things

I LOVE MIKE

What is wrong with me ?

no one knows but my self

i feels like a loser a pieces of crap thanks for all u done

it just makes me to be stronger

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING

LEARNED SO MUCH THAT I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO FORGET IT

THAnKS FOR ALL THE SCARS

No MATTER WHAT

I AlWAYS LOVE U 100%

i'm happy but i'm sick !! gurr but i have the best medicine so it makes me feels better i rolly won't kiss him when i see him cuz i don't want to get him sickk and his name is michael jakala i missed him more than i can miss myself is that even possible but anyway hes my medicine when i hear his voice and his laugh it makes me feels better than ever and hes my sweetheart and if anyone wnats to get us to be apart i will figth till the end no matter how much iw ould be hurt and brusie i will fight till the day i dead and i would never give this relationship up cuz i want to stcuk with miek for ever and be mrs.jakala and i mean it well love ya all mostly mike jakala

depression i did pretty bad on math and then my friend JR and katie are like *sigh* they were suppose to go out and what happened now the guy is hurt and the girl is being mean to him.. i don't get this !  i'm just glad i have mike and i'm extremly glad and i got a little depress.. when he told me y he was home late ? but i shouldn't be girls are odd and confusing i don't get this !.. i know we're stablize and everything else but it still have this feelings VERY ODD FEELINGS!now i found out mike has that feelings too when i'm hanging out around guys..haha ^^ it just means we're both meant to be..!that makes me smil idky haha ^^ well i ttyl i'm glad mike and i opened up!! *mwah* football in the gym.. fun fun

10 months with mike and it feels like forever

i would never forgive u for being sucha ass to me cuz i tho our friendship lasted until the feeling of love comes in between us

grow up seriously the problem is me and u dont' drag our parents in cuz ur so immature

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE U if u keep being  a ass like that!

I love u michael