as always you always call me to wake me up but this time i did not pick up the phone hahahahyahaha and i didn't throw the phone against the wall :P I just too tired and didn't pick up and i'm super happy happy cause I'm having about 100 stars although my finger tips hurt but I will still try to do my best and make every star looks wonderful :P and I know what kind of container I will buy for your birthday present hahahaha and you can't reject and I know what to make for your birthday present already it will be colorful and creative :P

28 more days !!! hope i do not need to spen my birthday at school retesting!!!

talking to angel is one thing that delights me and makes me feel super happy and everything else and honestly talking with her for girl talks about boys it makes me so much more happier than just listening to music... wow so tiring today and i made a lot of the star so the container looks really pretty , stars are pretty espealilly when i put my heart to make it... but no matter how hard it is i will finish this as a creative artwork !!!

when we're "pretending dating" just to make sure eaach other die and jinxing each other, i want to speak out "Yo no deseo que sea un chiste, yo deseo que ser verdad " But I don't know how you feel toward it and I'm afriad it will hurt both of us... I don't know and I don't know the way you think since last time we talked about this... so i will let things flow that's my story
 

你會想，怎麼會有人遲鈍成這個樣子，你暗示多番他/她都不明白，令你非常非常的洩氣、又或是氣瘋了，你開始想，究竟是不是自己自作聰明，他/她根本不是你想像的那樣。

你跟他/她相處得有多好，大家以什麼好朋友、好知己相稱，相信你心裡所想根本就沒那麼簡單。

 你會慶幸的想「天啊！竟然給我找到一個可以處得這麼好的人，沒有那些所謂男、女朋友的矯揉造作，只有自然和舒服，話題多到數都數不完，跟他/她一起只有開心，架都沒吵過，大家只是鬥鬥嘴，笑笑對方的糗事、缺點，適時的關心一下對方，……」要講的真的講不完，自己會一直想難得找到一個這麼契合的人，價值觀一樣、喜歡的一樣、討厭的都一樣，會互相分享喜與悲、煩惱一窩蜂的塞給對方，希望他/她能給你一些意見，或是意見都不用給，你只想找個人聽你「呻」，而他/她樂意甚至願意擔任這角色。

你開心嗎？當然開心了！上天竟然讓你跟這樣的人相遇，是緣份對吧。

可是是緣份那又如何呢？很多東西一錯過那個重要的點，一切有可能發生的都變成沒可能，全部回歸平淡，自己也會慢慢心淡了，不會再熱衷於那裡，再去找尋另一個的「可能」。很可惜對吧，為什麼明明跟那個人所發生的一切都給了你一個深深的肯定，「沒錯，他都就那個人了」，那又如何？你能百分百肯定你跟他一定會發展嗎？

緣份只是讓大家相遇相識的機遇，他/她要來，你一定阻止不來，讓他/她來到你身邊，緣份的職責要到此為止。接下來，是要看大家的造化，看大家能不能抓到那個點，那個讓一切有可能發生變成一定會發生的點，假如大家的心裡都有漣漪卻同樣的什麼都不做，那就死定；順其自然是好，可以太順其自然就是你害怕和被動了，踏出主動的一步吧，趁一切回歸平淡前，嘗試一下，起碼自己不會為自己的怯於行動而後悔，起碼你嘗試了、爭取了，命運讓他/她只是你生命的一個過客，你就接受吧，好來好去，當是上了一堂課、累積了一次經驗。

每個人一定都有只屬於他/她自己的另一半，是看自己能否把握罷了。

today was a good day cause dad had a day off and then when he woke up and so i woke up too and then i was making straw star and then he said "女, 做咩咁好心機整星星丫?"  I said i did it for my friend's 20's birthday and Dad Said "then you should just make one for him, because one means one happy birthday wishes." I said that doesn't seems to put much efforts and hearts into the gift I want to give to him for birthday present. Then Dad laughed and said then make 20 stars that represents his age.  Then I said Dad I promise him I will make him 1000 stars so i will do it and I will do as I promise!!! All he could do just smile and then he said "XXXXXXXXX?" I couldn't say anything else but just smile!!!

Then I told Dad about my friend that is afriad of swimming then i was telling dad that he called me at 2 in the morning and then i was telling dad how he is behaving as an old man with like hair coming off and then how he can't sleep then my dad said he might have troubles with girls... and i know he does with my good friend..  hahahaha ^^ is so easy to know!!

After all my brother and I agrue of who is doing the dishes and is not that i won't do the dishes but it just the way he is asking me to do it... is the way it sounds like if is nice or not..obviously all he can do is ordering me to do it and like i know i should have said nicer to tell him eat faster but every single night he eats for an hour or two and this is so annoying and my mom and i have to wait to wash the dish and if he want us to wait then he should do the dishes is so stupid whatever all the time i have to forgive and forget (鬼叫我做大丫, 激死我啦) 勁想星他兩把囉

hahaha you became my "boyfriend" this is great that we trying to jinxes each other to be die and apologized to ancestor.. wow but i was thinking if it wasn't a joke... and .... (imagine) i had mine imagine already but i do not think much knows my idea...  but it was great just agruing with you and frustrating you :P My Bad but i guess that is my special character because i make people go crazyy... hehehe i told you so i'm not normal.. and i lie typing english and i'm random and i'm crazy and abnormal.. hehehe and at the end i made you go to bed first!!! SO I win for making who die first... wow vvery tired... i'm wondering are you really going to call me in the early morning hope not :P that would be a major torture but oh well

29 more days

when my brother and i agure at the macdonald i sat near you and then you did one thing that touch my heart was that you carry the bad of things for me i know it wasn't a big deal and it wasn't a heavy thing but it really make my heart felt sudden sweet, i swearif i get diabetes i blame you for making me feeling so sweet.. either way was that for friend's purpose or other purpose i thank you and appreciate for the heart you care for me  i don't know what kind of words i can say but all i can do is smile !!!i think i scare you when i'm mad so this is a hint don't ever get me mad  what if i tell you someone else like me? i wonder what is your reaction!?!?! but this is just a what if

this morning i was supposed to work with mom at the laundry shop, but as soon as my mom wakes up she saw me and she said why the hell are you up this early?? I said to go to work... but there's a story of me waking up this early... my first morning call was at 530 wow that was 30 minutes before i needed to get up..and then my second morning call 559 and then my alarm went off... third morning call 609... guess who is my alarm clock.. of course my cell phone helped but then the main alarm clock was Ar J (Jason) hahahahahaha guess what happened after i was wild awake was that i didn't have to work after all and i called him to tell him the news he felt O mouth like what the hell?? hahahaha this is so funny But anyway thanks for his patient and willing to get up for me... that def makes me smile and from this he is an responsible person, like if you tell him something he promises you and he will do it... hahaha except for the time manage of being late... like always he will probably be late again for swimming :P

today was wonderful because i was jinxing you to be die and making jokes and that makes me chuckle it really made me did... and speaking of dating that was good and sweet and it made me laughs and felt super happy.. but i don't think you understand how happy that made me... but really i do not want you to be die or else my world would turn gray... but tonight was wonderful and as i'm thinking of it now, i kept smiling and chuckle... wow for the first time... i feel my cheeks are red and even the AC is on, my tempertaure still is not cool... but i think you feel shocks or annoyed as i was pretend to be "dating" you perhaps if you see me you migt give me O mouth!! *sigh* anyway... tonight was a good night and i guess it is a good starting and a very good memory!!!  But thanks for the fun and the jokes...

July 1st ==== 30 more days till my real birthday... so excited and when i turn 19 you can't call me a kid no more... cause we be the same age for a few month hohohohoho (crazy laughing right now, perhaps i came out from the psycho hospital)

sometimes i do not think i match you cause you seems so smart and understanding for others... but me i'm not smart and i'm not gentle or understand other's position.. sometimes you're too smart, makes me feel stupid but that's one thing of you that impress me a lot well i believe time will let me see the future

i had told you my secret.. wow i feel like i tell you things and you understand me very well.. and that is very amazing and i feel great about telling you.. perhaps you're the one that i trust with my true feeling especially in h.k. i learn not to speak too much of your own business... so i learn to hide my things.. you're the one i told so much infor since i came back from n.y. about him... thanks for being there for me to talk about my past and mosty thanks for listening...i feel very lucky to have you around, i guess you must be one of the angels that god sent to watch me and help me... thanks so much i'm so happy you're in my life ;)

sometimes i think you're very smart too good at observing... and you can definitly feel how i feel, like you can observe the people's emotions and evrything.. honestly you're a very smart guy and i don't think i can ever became like you having the wisdom that you have? Too Smart!! I'm not too smart but i'm not easy to give up things just like the bet you had with me for straw stars...See i told you i ccan do it... so you owe me a dinner :P jahahahahaha see you're smart but i'm hard-work..:P so we're balances off la.. :)

this is the feeling i want.. like able to know you more and share jokes in between us!! this feels relaly special.. comparing to the last time that you told me directly without me being aware of it. sometimes things are so ironic like is so weird how thigns come around and then you see things different from the first time.. i laughed it out when she said you and him seems to be better together.. seriously she makes me laugh.. i'm so glad she is back and honestly i'm happy that she is back because i can share my emotions and events with her. She makes me chuckle. But it was a good thing at least she somewhat speak something that makes me smile perhaps is the person that is involved that makes me smile and be happy. Sometimes little things can make me really happy, i guess i'm a person that is easy to be satisfy which is good unlike h.k. people so much under pressure so perhaps a laugh and a smile makes everything changed.. times improves things and changes your point of view. Honestly, no one knws the future. SO the best way to live through life, is to let things flow. :)

Sometimes I do not understand why you loook at my blog when last year you were the one that made the decision of breaking my heart, seriously why do you still care? i'm not something that you can have back when you don't have anything else... I'm not a Thing, I have feelings, I don't understand why do you still care about me, honestly, from all my friends said you should get beat up for hurting me and I told them No it doesn't matter because between us are just the past. Why do you still care about me? That pisses me off like seriously what do you think I'm ? just a trading materials that you can have when you're sad and when you're happy you can tossed me away.. I still rememebr all the bull shit you said to me in the same time this year...  For whatever you do now-a-day is not going to heal back up the heart you had broke... and i know i let go of you at the moment when you let me go.. I had moved on and You're just one of the strangers that i know in life.. End of story..

i hate family members have agrument over something very stupid.. something that can destory the family bonds.. the different point of view, the different feelings of understanding, i hate this i have never ever in my life that i want to cry so bad and i'm so depress... it feels horrible and what more can i say? i hate this feeling i hate family bonds are being broken down dor different things... i wish i could cry it out loud and if you're around, i know you will let me cry... you are the person i told on msn!!!    never want to cry this bad and holding all this feelings in my heart *sigh*  sometimes i really don't know if i'm really that strong!!! I'm not that strong and if this keep happening, one day I will ending up breaking off from the edges!!

i realized as kids grows up into adulthood. things changes.. like the relationship of the family. This makes me so sad I hate this feeling of people's feeling toward the family member, why can't we just be kids and play with each other, and there's always agrument and fighting.. this is sad..not understand...

i hate myself and i hate that i didn't hurt you... i really didn't mean to you know that? i didn't mean to do any harm to you... and yes at that moment when you told me about you liking me, my reaction only likes you as a brother but as the days goes by, and things you admires me with.. my feelings has changed... and i'm so sorry for what i said to you earlier it was stress and examinations and my friend's visiting bugs me a lot which i don't have much time to go ... i'm really sorry i didn't mean to hurt you and i really think we need more time to get to know each others!!! SORRY once again!!

well.. today has been a long day.. especially what had happened?

So i had to go to school to ge some documents to be done, so he waited for me because he had to get some documents. So then we got on  a bus and as i was trying to write something done, he got out an envelope and it said my name on it.. then he said i liked you for a long time and i hope we can be together.. for a moment i though he was just kidding around but then i looked at him.. i can tell he was very serious.. but i said perhaps you can ask me after examinations and i'm afraid i can't take the envelope ( i was saying it as a kidding way O so should i not take it?) so i said perhaps after examinations and so he was very depress.. i don't understand...honestly i need to think about this...

so when we were walking together, he been very quiet and i feel there's a wall in between us... i feel that this harms our friendship..  i feel somewhat upset seeing him being upset... honestly i like him as a brother, as a good teacher, as a good aprtner for account, as a good friend, as someone that can talk with for all my troubles.

I do not understand but this is what happened.. i hope he is not upset about us just  being friend.. will it work if i tell him i like girls? or i like someone already? or i'm dating someone already?

please help and give advice

「我踩! 我踩! 我踩! 」兩個小孩你追我逐互踩對方的影子, 正在玩他們的「影子比賽」。

「不玩了! 累死了! 這個比賽根本分不出誰勝誰負, 沒了沒完呢!」女孩垂著頭, 搖一搖她的小腦瓜說。男孩叉著腰, 沾沾自喜的說:「當然是我! 根本就是你輸! 哈哈。」

女孩慢慢抬起頭, 一臉狡猾的說「什麼?」然後像運動員比賽起跑一箭似的跑向男孩, 一手抱著他的書包。男孩被殺個措手不及, 非常狼狽, 一失重心, 二人滾在地上, 滾成胡蘆。二人大字形躺在地上, 已是夕陽西下的天空, 沒有太陽刺刺的照著, 和諧舒適的深藍色包圍著他們。

「你父母現在怎樣?」男孩別個頭, 望著女孩的側臉說。「還是舊樣子, 互不理睬。昨天竟然可以為了弟弟英文默書不合格而吵個大架, 真是無聊透。爸爸還半夜出外, 到今早才回家。」女孩照舊看著天空, 臉上是見怪不怪的表情, 好像父母吵架已經是家常便飯。男孩沒有回應, 亦不知如何安慰, 他知道雖然女孩臉上滿不在乎, 但其實她打從心裡是很在意。良久, 女孩打破他們之間的沉寂, 說:「回家吧!」只見女孩站起身, 拍拍屁股, 找回自己的書包, 徑自回家。當時, 他們只是小學四年級......

中學四年級, 他們也是讀同一間中學同一班, 由於他們的家住得很近, 所以亦是一起上學, 一起放學。但好像因為長大了, 開始明白男女有別, 所以他們已經沒有像小時間般玩得這麼親密。

有一天, 女孩問男孩: 「你認為我們中四級, 哪個女孩最漂亮?」。男孩說:「你...」「真的?」女孩一臉驚訝。「...才怪! 當然是我們班的女班長! 」女孩鼓起泡腮, 疑惑地問:「她哪兒長得美? 為什麼每個男孩都覺得她美麗? 」男孩甜絲絲地說:「她那烏溜溜又軟又飄逸的長直髮, 那一雙黑白分明的大眼睛...」女孩突然衝出一句, 說:「你喜歡上她?」男孩一時語窒, 一臉尷尬地走開了。

翌日是一年一度的陸運會, 身為田徑隊內跑得最快的女孩, 對今次一百米短跑的金牌至在必得。女孩正在壓腿, 這時候, 男孩氣喘如牛的跑過來找她, 說:「唏, 今天女班長都是參加一百米短跑, 我聽她說, 每年都是你拿第一她拿第二, 她說她今年會是最後一次參加比賽, 很想拿一次金牌...」正在彎腰的女孩問:「為什麼今年是最後一年?」男孩說:「我聽她說因為會考, 她要努力讀書, 由下年開始不會再參加比賽。」「喔...那關我什麼事? 為什麼你要跟我說呢?」女孩一邊壓一字馬, 一邊回答著男孩。「你...你...今年可不可以跑慢一點? 讓她拿個金牌?」男孩玩弄著手指, 緊張地問。女孩非常憤怒, 叉著腰大唬:「你腦筋有問題嗎? 叫我讓賽? 萬萬不能。你竟然為了你的夢中女神而叫我這個跟你青梅竹馬的好朋友讓賽? 」男孩想不到女孩會有這麼大的反應, 衰求地說:「一次! 只是一次! 你都拿了幾次金牌, 拿少一次也沒所謂吧。下年...下年, 你還可以再拿金牌喔。」女孩很氣男孩, 心沉到谷底, 然後徑自走開。最後, 女孩拿了第二。

陸運會過後, 他們正在等車。太陽毫不吝嗇地發出光芒, 地上的水分都蒸發了。在炎熱的天氣下, 女孩不斷用手拭汗, 熱得捺不住, 跟男孩說:「你可以借你的影子給我乘涼嗎? 你的影子夠高夠大, 可以遮蓋我的影子。」「可以! 」女孩站在男孩的影子上, 怎料, 這時候, 女班長剛走過, 男孩立即離開女孩遠遠的, 細聲說:「我不能讓她看到我跟你一起放學。我先走了。」只看男孩走到女班長前, 問她:「不如我們一起吃下午茶!」最後, 他兩一起離開。女孩的心真的心灰意冷, 只好一人在車站等候。

翌日他們如常一起上課, 男孩對女孩說:「我今天想表白!」女孩驚訝得很, 大叫:「什麼?」男孩立即用手蓋著她的口, 說:「殊...我昨晚...寫...寫...了一封情信, 我...我想...今天...交...交給...她。」男孩突然雙手合十, 對著女孩說:「求求你! 我不夠膽子親手交給她, 你可不可以幫幫我?」女孩的心沉了一沉, 木目表情地說:「你想我怎樣幫你?」男孩感激地說:「你...你只需替我親手交那情信給她便好了。非常謝謝你!我請你吃大餐, 或其他...什麼都行。」女孩接過情信。回到課室, 女孩按不住好奇心, 情不自禁下打開了情信, 怎料一看, 只有無言和無奈。男孩寫的字錯漏百出, 別字...病句...多的是。女孩把心一撗, 幫男孩重寫一封情信。後來, 他們順利成章地成為一對情侶。男孩不再跟女孩一起上課一起放學了, 他說怕他的女朋友誤會。

女孩的父母近來吵架的次數愈來愈多, 全都是為雞毛蒜皮的小事。女孩很不開心, 她想找男孩傾訴, 可惜回來的聲音卻是「我要陪她」､「會被她誤會」等等。終於, 女孩的父母離婚了。因為經濟不許可, 女孩跟她的母親要搬屋了...

男孩準備出門上學時, 突然收到女朋友的電話, 說她生病了不會上課, 叫男孩獨自回校。男孩數一數手指, 原來他已經半年沒有跟女孩上課了, 心想: 不如跟那女孩一起回校吧! 男孩站在女孩的樓下等, 一直等, 一直等......打電話到女孩的家也沒有人接聽, 男孩只好帶著疑問回學校。回到課室, 班主任走入班房, 說:「我們班的xxx, 因為一些原因, 她已經搬屋轉校了。」男孩聽到後, 嚇得呆了, 腦海不斷湧現他跟女孩一起的片段...第二天, 他在他的抽屜裡找到一封信。

「給最親愛的朋友:

你記得我們你追我逐互踩對方的影子, 玩我們的「影子遊戲」嗎? 其實那是我最愛的遊戲。你記得在炎炎夏天的烈日當空下, 你借出你的影子讓我站在你的影子乘涼嗎?其實我每天都有帶傘。你記得我們玩捉迷藏, 每次我都能第一個找到你, 是為什麼嗎? 其實是因為你的影子太長, 令它出賣了你。你記得每次我們放學, 我都愛站你旁邊, 不會是你的前面或後面嗎? 其實是因為我想我們的影子走在一起。

我愛我們二人大字形躺在地上, 我愛我們的影子重疊, 我愛你被我捉到那驚慌失措的樣子, 我愛我們肩並肩的感覺...

從前, 我只會看到你漸漸長高的影子; 現在, 我看到的影子, 已不再只是一個。你旁邊的那位不是我, 你亦從不知我想當那位。昨天早上, 我看到你在我樓下等待, 我突然想起我們多年一起上課, 一起玩耍的日子。我看到你等待我, 我的心很酸, 很想立刻衝到你面前。看著你離去的影子, 一直默默在你後面的我終於都流下眼淚。

現在, 我要搬屋了。
我最親愛的朋友再見, 以後都不見了。
祝你永遠幸福快樂! 」

男孩看完信後, 才知道原來女孩一直喜歡的是自己。男孩的心很痛, 他不理解, 他愛的不是女班長嗎? 他想起小時候捉迷藏大叫說要捉自己的女孩, 想起獨自上學的女孩, 又想起為自己送上情信的女孩......男孩立刻跑到那女孩的家門前, 拍打著門, 不斷叫喊著女孩的名字。沒有人回應, 沒有人開門, 整條走廊就只是充滿著男孩拍門聲和叫喊聲。男孩轉個身, 背靠著門一直向下滑, 直至跌坐地上痛哭, 因為他知道女孩真的走了。

這時候, 他手上的信跌在地上......
信的左下角寫著:

「p.s. : i love you! even your shadow...」
(我愛你! 就連你的影子我都深深愛著)

 

new blog and i really hate school which i can be off soon !!! i'm so sad my computer mouse is broken =(

so upset among with friends and i suddenly feels in h.k. life sucks because people are trying to be sneaking around with others and not being true of who we're and secondly looking at benefit to do things and it somewhat makes me upset and everything else and i can't believe how the society turns into so cruel and so dark and so self-fish without able to forgive one and others.. and this is quite annoying you know? i would never imagine how annoying this is and seriously life is differcult but i had learn.. people are not who they truely are...!!

i'm happy when i work and sees kids and it makes me smile a lot and mosty is because daddy is ok and not finding out if he have cancer or any disease and it made me very worry and is been a long time we didn't talk on computer or texting eaach other.. furthermore.. working and school takes out all my energy so tired... +_+ anyway.. i need to sleep

今日返工,5係我食啦當然!! 全因我食素哈哈!!!超爛gag!!!今日我學會你既工作position愈高就愈容易把事情賴人，奇嗎?愈高就愈不會向其他人認衰，完全明白E個係人性!!我愈來愈發覺我係做社工既材料!! 因為我今日懂得唸身在既處境而同安慰不開心既人!!有時可能就係咁容易只要聆聽就可以令到不同!!!只要懂得別人既處境就會明白點解他地咁唸同有咁既行為!!!

好久冇寫啦!!! 嘩!真係日日都5得閒!! 好多功課Y!!! 我就快累啦!!!不過我唸打籃球應該係我一星期裹最好既時間囉!!!出汁最舒服因為把5開心既野留返出來!!跟住就好開心!!!5怪得香港人冇得病因為太多野做都不可以病!!就快挨到傻啦!!忙到連sms都冇得send,真係超忙!!!哈哈,三分王,我一定耍做!!! PHILLIP仔我不會俾你睇死我架!!!

today is ray's birthday.. and he was very suprise that i remembered... but of course i remember because i'm jen chan

so today i went to pizza hut with kam ki and phillp, and as i was at pizza hut... when i first called the waiter over, he couldn't take his eyes off me.. and so as the times go on, he couldn't stop looking at me, and he couldn't fous much to do work.. so i chuckle, cause it was very cute...then as kam ki and i were talking two waiters came over, one asked if i needed anything, and one asked me if i wanted dessert... haha but it was funny about how waiters can't  take off their eyes off me haha perhaps.. i'm just very boy-ish looking lolx just saying...

anyway, when i was on the LTR i saw a couple got into an agrument, and so the girl walked out.. and so the guy chases after her and grabbed her into his arms.. it was a very touching moment...

one more things is i despite guys carrying their gf's purse...!!!

as i feel, that i'm slow letting go of mike jakala and as i let go it makes my emotions more lighter and lighter and i'm not carrying  a big rock pressure.. and i think i'm really letting him go, although sometimes i miss him, but i know the feeling i miss him is only a friend and nothing more...

last night, i sms you till two o'clock because you went home late and not tired, so i sms with you and then i woke up at 530 because i feel like i have a fever, and so i woke up and took some pills, then you sms me at 9 o'clock oh my god, i can't believe you waking me up, i do not like that!!! so  then last night as we were smsing each other back and forth, we had conversations that are very deep and even one of topics was about us dating and being with the other person, seriously, i though we would ending up being together, but then i let the idea go faster than i know, because i didn't know was i really liking you or i was just desire to have a bf.. and the evident proves that the feeling i have for you is only as a good friend and nothing more, but morely, i'm afraid of liking you is because of i'm afraid i can't get back up after all it took me a long time to get up from mike jakala, cause he tear my heart apart so bad, that it is unhealable, and so i decided that i will not trust at least for a little bit, cause i got up by myself and it was a painful struggle, be honest, i hate being treat as shit, so i will just let fate come to me, and i wouldn't be so active instead letting the guy comes after me.Be honest, you're a great friend and seriously, right now right at this moment i only want to be friends, and that is the furest we'll ever go at this moment of my life. So i guess we can treat each other just friends.. nothing more, although i can feel your feelings, i would choice not to believe how i feel, but to think logically, feelings are just feelings, think logic is something can guarantee i wouldn't be hurt as bad...so i guess you're going back to china to visit your mom's side of the family. i hope you have fun..!!! P.S. i remember you telling me you are also afraid of being with me because lack of confident, but as i know you since August, i had seen you had improved and i can see that you put your heart into it, but don't give up easily, because is not good to just let go, my goals for this year 2009 is to make you be more outgoing, me have a successful relationship with accounting, and learning mandrin, going to beijing, having a flee market with kam kai, have a better health, find a sport to play, and try my best to learn chinese, i will not let others to look at me as nothing, i'm willing to put my heart and i know i can do it as i put my heart in it...

this morning i woke up and i go on the computer and talking to all my friends from new york, and suddenly guess who imed me, Mike Jakala, the one that broke my heart the most and really can treat me just as his good friend. When he first imed me it took me a few second to recognize his screen-name, because is been so long since i saw this screen-name, i mean seriously, i can't remember how long it has been, and that's why i lost count, i'm not sure!!! then i suddenly realized that time really heal up pains, the reasons i know it is because when i talked to mike jakala i really felt as a friend, and no hate, no love, no fantasy with him, but just a friend, as i talks with him, i had no emotions with him, as i wasn't angry or upset, which was amazing, and i'm very glad i felt that way. cause as i soon as i know i felt that way, i knew i'm over him as i don't have feelings for him no more, which is good, although the scars is still there, but it is less painful, i mean it, and as each day goes on, the scars heal up, to the point where i don't feel the pain no more, wow, i'm very proud of myself able to treat him just as a friend, i never though i be able to do it and now i'm able to do it so that makes me super happy. like seriously, no one would ever understand how happy i'm and as i let go, i realized there's no grudge inside me against him no more, and at a certain point, i was surely that i forgive him for hurting me, just as Jesus forgive those that thrown stones at him, because he clamined himself as son of god. Sometimes, i even feel that as you forgive someone, it helps your mental to move to the next level of being happy and able to reach ultimate happiness.  i only remember as he broke up with me, i had always been angry at him for doing such a horrible thing toward my heart and letting it shatter all over the floor, but now i'm happy because he let go of me and let me learn that dating is not the only thing in the world, and you don't only get happiness from dating, you can get happiness from everyone whom is around you, and you're the center of your own world, when you're upset, no one cares, but it would always upset everyone to worry about you, so i learnt that happiness is not only from love, but is from spreading and sharing happiness toward everyone and be a good influences, be their sun when they have cloudy days, however, mike jakala, thanks, without you, i wouldn't grown stronger and realzied there's a lot more of people needs my help. and thanks for all complianments saying, i'm intelligent and everything, and i'm happy that you're able to take care school and working the same time. I wish you a successful life. you can always do it, if you focus instead of just not trying, i was shocked that you and her weren't dating and the reason was she is boring for you? i guess? but who knows, love someone is easy, but to keep the relationship is the hard part!!!

then i helped my friend justin, to get msn, and is been so long since i see all my friends from n.y., and he looks the same, but it was so funny how i couldn't hear him talk, and he can hear me talk, so i taunted him just as i always do when i was at new york. friends are always there for you, when you need the support, and i learned that i never realized how important friends were until i was left in the dark with broken shatter pieces of heart. but now i had gotten better and i'm very excited of looking forward of justin coming to h.k. and spent a summer with me.. cause i know he can never celebrate my birthday with me and this year shall be special..!!!

P.S. 6 more months from today january 31st, 2009 is my 19th birthday !!!!

wow is been almost a week i didn't write, so busy going everywhere to visit family, and in h.k. chinese new year is very fun and seriously.. i like getting red pocket from cousins whom are married.. haha i get double money, but seriously i don't care for money, however, i care for family gathering...!!! so then... today i went out to have lunch with kam kai and ar ming, i invitied isaac but he was busy at home and wants to eat at home, instead of eating with me, and i know he just didn't want mrs. chau to be so bored at home, he is a wonderful son, however, he was late to the badminton game, and when he saw me playing he was very happy and it makes me chuckle... hahaha^^ he is a very shy boy...he and ar ming in the same team wow.. perfect combo.. they're funny together, however, i hope isaac could talk more, but i know he is trying really hard.. and i can see he is putting effort. and don't give up, i know some day you be very outgoing, and from today i can tell my friends like being your friends, so keep trying,  don't lose hope and faith. i think you really hate me, cause you were trying to kill me at badminton,  so scary being on the same team with you, you always want to kill me... and i met two new friends today, one is ar ming's cousin, gina and suvania (kam kai and icy's friend)  is always fun meeting new friends... anyway, then after the badminton games, we went to gold coast beach... haha we played bang bong wow haha is a fun game, isaac and i kept losing, all we can do is O mouth hahaha too funny... then we played something else and we looked at the stars.. and what else we play, can't remember but all i know is today was a good day, and i kept teling isaac no matter what don't let kenneth bugs him to ruin his wonderful and happy smiley days with me and my friends.... sometimes, i don't like isaac being so sensitive and getting unhappy easily, but he has improved, and i will be keep helping him to get happier and happier as the days go by.. today is a very good day and thank you god for giving a great day for me to share it with friends.. and i really feel my world with you are getting closer,  wonder if you feels the same? thanks god for all the smile and happiness your gave to me to give to all my dearlys!!!!

p.s. it would be a lot of fun if phil was around =)

what a day? but i feel tired and i can't believe kenneth is avoiding me i'm not understanding perhaps i could ask him when i see him at chinese new year.. today also shocks me was i'm starting to talk with Isaac again.. i think i'm really trying hard to have some trust in someone which leads to i need times.. to trust and i guess the farest we can ever be is to be friends and nothing more and seriously i don't plan on having a relationship for a little bit.. at least.. but who knows.. fate are decided by god.. and i know that for sure..

i love my new phone and is just amazing.. but now i begin to think of how being in a relationships leads to people to give up easiler than anything for letting someone whom are very close with..but anyway i belive in fate and destiny.. for real.. !!