Today at work was quite depressing.... I don't know why I felt that way... I woke up really sleepy... So after breakfast i gave you a call... but i think i called at a bad time that you didn't really want to talk with me...*sigh* i'm stupid... Then as i was riding the lift to the work place... I was thinking " Am I wrong telling him about the truly of how i felt? But i though dating someone shouldn't have any secrets in between. Especially being with someone so special.... It shouldn't have anything needs to hide." Oh God... What had I done? Had I just killed the relationship between us?? Sometimes I'm so stupid... just speaking out how I felt... F**k... I'm a f**king idiot....f**king piece of shit... I'm so mad at myself....

So then at work was quite depressing...I kept thinking of us... well mostly you... I think I really like you and to the point where I look at us as one...I don't remember how depress i had got as today.... just as since last year septemeber...perhaps the truth is I'm afraid of losing you and the relationship...and afraid leads to worriness....

Then when I saw a little baby today while I was going to shop... then i was thinking  " 小孩子的生命就好像大人的心靈一樣般脆弱" This suddently sparks my mind...

So after work, I went to Yuen Long Park, I remember I went there with a friend to the bird tower and told my friend if i'm sad I will go there but my friend said you can always find me when you're sad... but unforunately... my friend didn't understand at all...*sigh* so i didn't  bother to talk with my friend but instead just look at the beeautiful trees and waterfall...

So you didn't call me or msn me or sms me....*sigh* =.=""  sometimes boys are so stupid... they never know what girls think, seriously....but girls and boys were born to be one since god created eve from adam's rib bone... so this is what i think the whole day....  Of course... there's someone in my mind.......

Dear God... I'm so confuse and afraid again.... What had happened toward me? I though is long as willing to give out the heart... you will get happiness... plus I wasn't asking for anything returns... its that I'm willing to give out my heart....but why is this happening again and again...?? Everytime when I'm so happy... you always became the devil and took away my dream, my fairytale, and my life...I just want to be an ordinary girl...But why do this to me?? I don't understand... you have no idea how close I was going to cry today.... I though you would always sent me an angel to guide me and protect me but in the end... it shows that I'm wrong.... God.. I'm so confuse... why gave me hope and then takes it away...?? I hate this.... I hate you doing this to me... Just one years ago... I was on the floor picking up the broken heart... and then I met him...he was the one that healed me up... and so i was ready to give him my heart and trust... and then now sudden i felt like you're playing me ... god how can you do this to me ? I trust you all along... i trust you to guide me... But furthermore, is thank you for letting me meeting him... and thanks for everything happened in between us... because is our memory...

I don't know I don't know I don't know.... let the wind blow and take my breathe away... let the sun shine on my face... let the rain cry for me....let the moon shine up my night.... let the tree block all the troubles...The last time since i cried was last year september and tonight as i typed on the computer, or speakign with you... i felt i'm ready to cry... i can feel it... Shit... i think i' so deep... I can't believe how a small thing of teling you the truth leads to this.... dating always have this trust issues tell or not... I hate myself being so straight forward...and just speak of how i feel...f**king hate myself.... damn this shit...!!!