好...我一用親英文作既都會過度偏激同不顧後果... 請慎入...已經過濾左好多嫁啦..不過最近都有咁無聊同痴線,唔post又唔安落...雖然post完可能更加衰...whatever! 唔能夠睇完就算既請唔好睇落去...

Recently I wrote a passage over 9000 words all about the events related to her. Although it was a painful process to recall all the miserable memories, it was still an enjoyable process, hoping I will finally put these all behind and have a better life. But seems even my parents are not allowing to do this. Hong Kong is pretty big right? Unfortunately where I have been these two weeks was Tsuen Wan and Sai Wan Ho. Goodness I really don’t want to think of anything about her anymore, but these two places? They just carried too many remembrances.

Especially Tsuen Wan, when I walked on the same road we did on 2^nd March, my hands were shaking, still can’t stop rememorizing the feeling I did on that day. It was horrible, and I almost can’t withstand it and cried on the street. All these were then direct me to that guy, and every incident that he made. I should have hated him right? I waited a year and more so that I won’t be an intervention between other’s relationships. It took me three more months to ensure that it was the suitable time and to be brave enough just to voice my feelings. And in the end, all these are destroyed, by a guy that don’t even know what he was thinking, interfered and changed the whole story.

It was such a questionable story. I am still wondering on that day, 7^th March, who was begging for my forgiveness, saying he is sorry for every wrong that he has made. I accepted because of her, who never wanted us to become enemies. After that who did the stupid actions trying to obstruct the relationship between she and I? Saying he was angry? Well can he ever do anything like I did? He was not willing to sacrifice, to pay, but only thought of rewarding. When he was unable to get anything, he started to destroy what other’s had. Now I still don’t know how much he said to her behind me. But still, I chose to tolerate all of these because of one faith, knowing what she would want us to be friends.

But all these I did were all in vein. My relationship with her had worsened recently as I feel, for the reasons that I don’t really know. I think she no longer care about my feelings or even my existence like she did before. If that really is the case, I have no option but to accept the changes. It took me so long to establish all of these, and I am way too up to back down. But at least I could abhor this guy. Even though hatred only generates more hate, at least I feel better if I could punch him in the face. If she will no longer care about me, then I will not put up with him anymore! No, I am not bringing out the old stuff and use that as an excuse. What triggers me was when I saw he said he set himself free, saying he don’t feel angry anymore. God fucking damn it! After he ruined everything, putting me in chaos, he said he set himself free? Then who will fucking set me free? Who will be responsible for me to cry every night, suffered by insomnia and having nightmares? And in the end who has successfully maintain a good relationship with her? Him! Then I was the one who did everything that I could, hoping she would just to chat with me cheerier, but all I got was some indifferent responses. I am sick of this! (Censored).

I was asked did I really do all these things just because of her, and that’s true. May be I just put too much effort to love a person, and now I found all these are irreplaceable. If I can no longer love her anymore, the only action that I do is to transform all these into hatred. I know most probably all these are caused by my over-reaction, but that’s what I am feeling right now. May be the passage will eventually destroy what I’ve left, but if I never express my moods, I would drive myself crazy. And all I wanted now is only to get some sleep, stop messing myself up with these senseless thinking.