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klinsmann
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2006 年 1 月 10 日  星期二   晴天


Poverty in Hong Kong 分類: 未分類

Nowadays,many people are living below the breadline.According to some survey,there are many poor people in Hong Kong.In fact,it is a serious problem and it must have lots of bad effects.

SAR government awares problem and has some ways to solve the problem.Before we set up methods,we should grt a clear understanding of reasons for the problem of poverty in Hong Kong.

First of all,it is a structural problem.As we know,it is many grassroots and quite little people on well-off middle class person and richer in Hong Kong.It has been clearly shown that there are a lot of people living under poverty than bourgeoisie.Also,after 1997,economy is worse and worse and an economy which is changing to that of knowledge and hi-tech based.It makes lots people job losses and wage cuts.Anyways,poor is not been aovided.

Second,aging population is another factor accoutable for poverty in Hong Kong.The number of elderly people is increaseing and they can not earn monry.If their son or daughter do not give them money,they will be a poor.

Moreover,poverty is brought about by poor immlgrants from the mainland China;the government is the accomplice.The immlgrants do not get a job in short run.It is because they do not grt used to new life.Also,some information show that most of them are low-skilled labours.It means that they are not competitive.So how can they get a job.

After knowing the source of problem,we should set up some ways to solve it.And l suggest some methods in which government and charities can help poor people.

Government should organize more employee retraining courses.It is good for unemployed and poor immlgrauts.They can enhance their confidence,learn some useful skill in the course and they can get a job easily.

Also,government should set up a minimum wage.Indeed,some bosses deprive their labours'rights,such as wage cuts.If the government put the above measure into practice,labours' right will be protected.

Moreover,charities should help poor people take care of their children so that bread-winners can have more time making money.

Government and charities can establish a fund to help elderly poeple.The aim is that repaying for elderly people contribution and they will have a income ,most of them are poor.

In conclusion,the problem of proverty in Hong Kong is a big problem,the government should solve it immediately.It is because the government is installing a time-bomb now and risks it off without effective remedies for poverty.






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Jindy 於 2006-01-10 10:43 PM 發表:
Also,some information show that most of them are low-skilled labours.It means that they are not competitive.So how can they get a job.
suggestion: It is known that most of the immigrants are poor-skilled workers.  They are less competitive and hence have greater difficulties getting a job.
 
 
And l suggest some methods in which government and charities can help poor people.
 Never ever start a sentence with the word "and".  Try "Here I suggest..."

Government should organize more employee retraining courses.
correction: The government may organise ...(always put "the" in front of "government". if you want to be specific, use "The HK governemtn", "the US government"...)
 
 
It is good for unemployed and poor immlgrauts.
suggestion: It is good for the unemployed...("unemployed" is an adjective.  "the  un employed" means those people who dont have a job)

Also,government should set up a minimum wage
suggestion:the government should set up a minimum wage LEVEL.
 
 
Indeed,some bosses deprive their labours'rights,such as wage cuts
suggestion:...rights, by wage cuts, for example
 
 
Moreover,charities should help poor people take care of their children so that bread-winners can have more time making money.
correction:...taking care of...so that the bread-winners can concentrate on their jobs.
 
 
The aim is that repaying for elderly people contribution and they will have a income ,most of them are poor
correction:the aim is to repay the elderly people for wha they had contributed in the past, and also to support them for most of them are poor.
 
 
In conclusion,the problem of proverty in Hong Kong is a big problem,the government should solve it immediately.
suggestion: In conclusion, the problem of poverty in Hong Kong is serious and should be dealt with as soon as possible.
 
 
The last line is a bit...funny. Try to think about that again.

 
Note that the word "immigrant" spells IMMIGRANT. No "L"! 
 
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Jindy 於 2006-01-10 10:42 PM 發表:
there are many poor people in Hong Kong
suggestion: the number of poor people in Hong Kong is worrying.
 
 
it must have lots of bad effects
suggestion: it has quite a few negative effects.
 
 
SAR government aware problem and has some ways to solve the problem
correction:the SAR government is awared of the problem and is prepared to solve it.
 
 
Before we set up methods
correction: Before we make any decisions
 
 
it is a structural problem
correction: Hong Kong has a structural problem
 
 
As we know,it is many grassroots and quite little people on well-off middle class person and richer in Hong Kong
explanation: poeple are "in" a class, not "on"
 
 
It has been clearly shown that there are a lot of people living under poverty than bourgeoisie
correction: more people... than ...
 
 
Also,after 1997,economy is worse and worse and an economy which in changing to that of knowledge and hi-tech based
suggestion: Also, since the 1997 economic crisis, the South Eastern economy has been declining. 句子的後半,I didn't quite get.
 
 
It makes lots people job losses and wage cuts.
suggestion: it resulted in an increase of unemployment rate and a general decrease in wages paid.
 
 
Anyways,poor is not been aovided.
correction:proverty is inevitable.(do NOT use "anyway" this way in a formal essay, let alone  "anyways"!)
 
 
Second,aging population is another factor accoutable for poverty in Hong Kong.
correction:secondly, the aging population is another accountable factor of poverty in Hong Kong.
 
 
The number of elderly people is increaseing and they can not earn monry.If their son or daughter do not give them money,they will be a poor.
suggestion:the number of elderly people is increasing.  Since they are not self-dependent, they cannot help being poor unless their offspring support them financially.
 
 

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