今日上英文堂做LISTENING時看到個RAPE字，就想起Rape Me，想起Kurt Cobain。
毫無疑問，他和Nirvana是一個傳奇。
沒有人會想到只是成立六年的Nirvana會得到這麼大的成就。
當nevermind推出後，Grunge把八十年代興盛一時的hard rock打得落花流水，一首Smells Like Teen Spirit，把Grunge聲音進入主流。
有人說過，如果Kurt不是死得早，Nirvana的成就是可以更大，可能會出現一張比nevermind更經典的專輯。
更有人說了個比喻，如果世上有個搖滾天堂，那麼John Lennon是天主，站在他右邊的就是Kurt Cobain。
不論如何，Kurt還是死了，自殺死的，死時才27歲，詮釋了自己想要表現的風格，也就是Grunge的風格－－陰暗，壓抑，不安和空虚。Kurt的遺書寫著"it's better to burn out, than fade away."(與其苟延殘喘，不如從容燃燒)，結果現在nevermind成為九十年代最偉大的專輯之一，Grunge亦影響了不少的樂團，正在照燿著搖滾呢。Kurt泉下有知，應該心滿意足吧。

Kurt 的遺書

致BODDAH：

　　這是一個飽經滄桑的傻子發出的聲音，他其實更願做個柔弱而孩子氣的訴苦人。這張條子應該很容易理解。所有的警告都來自於這些年來的『龐克搖滾101』，自從我第一次介入那包含著獨立性、應當稱為道德原則的東西之後，你們團結一致的擁戴已證明是非常真實的。我已經好多年都不能從聽音樂，寫音樂以及讀和寫東西中感到激奮了。對於這些事我感到了一種難以形諸文字的負罪感。比如說，但我們來到後台，燈火熄滅，人們狂躁的咆哮響起，這一切對我的影響就遠不如對Freddy Mercury（「QUEEN」樂隊主唱，1991年因艾滋病辭世。）影響那麼大，，他似乎喜歡而且把玩那些從人群中而來的愛與讚美——那正是我讚賞與嫉妒的一切。

　　事實上我無法欺騙你們，無法欺騙你們中的任何一人。那對你對我都不公平。我能想起的最大罪惡便是欺騙人們，裝模作樣，做出一副我100%地快樂的樣子。

　　有時候我似乎應當在出場之前有台打卡機。我盡了我全部的力量去喜歡這一切，我的確也喜歡。但這還不夠。我喜歡這一事實，即我和我們樂隊感染和款待了不少人。我太敏感了。我必須清度麻醉才能重獲我在孩提時代曾有過的熱情。在我們最後的三次巡演中，我對所結識的所有的人和我們音樂的歌迷都有了更多的欣賞，但我還是無法克服我對每個人都抱有挫折感、負罪感和同情。在我們所有人中都有善意，我就是太愛人們了！愛的太多以至於讓我感到真的太他媽憂鬱，一個略為憂鬱的、敏感的、不領情的、雙魚座的耶穌式的人物！

　　我有一個漂亮且奢求聲望和領悟的老婆，我還有個女兒，她讓我回憶起我的很多過去，她對那些她遇到的人致以全部的愛和快樂的吻，因為每個人都那麼好，而且不會對她有任何傷害。這也讓我驚恐萬分，以至於我只會瞠目結舌。我沒法容忍那種想法，就是弗蘭西絲將變成像我這樣自我毀滅、走向絕路的搖滾歌手。

　　我快樂的擁有一切，非常快樂。我充滿感激。可自打我7歲以來，我總的來說就對人類充滿了仇視，僅僅因為人們似乎太過容易地友好相處，而且還會同情，同情！僅僅因為我覺得自己對人們有太多的愛與同情。從我那燃燒而令人欲嘔的胃之深處感激你們所有的人，感激你們在過去歲月裡所有的來信和關心。我是個太過反常和抑鬱的小子！我已經沒有任何激情了，所以要記住「與其苟延殘喘，不如從容燃燒！」

和平，愛，同情。

Kurt Cobain


Frances 和 Courtney,

我會伴你們到老

Courtney 請繼續前行，

為了Frances ，為了她的生活

沒有我她的生活會快樂許多。

我愛你們！愛你們！！


-------------------------------------------------------

To Boddah:

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty easy to understand.All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things,for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd,which is something I totally admire and envy.

The fact is,I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you,or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun.

Sometimes I feeln as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do,God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive,I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much better appreciation of all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know!

I have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empadny,and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be.full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become.

I have it good, very good,and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess.Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore,so remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away.

Peace, love, empathy,


Kurt

有關Kurt自殺的。
．在Kurt想尋死的一段時侯, 他正在辦理和Courtney Love(他妻子)的離婚手續, 而 Courtney更委任了一位嚴厲的律師去企圖駁回.

．在Kurt遺體身上發現遺失了一張信用卡, 但在遺體發現後卡以不能使用.

．在Kurt的遺書中從未提及自殺和他妻女, 自是警方單方面宣佈在遺體旁邊的字條就是遺書.

．他妻子Courtney在他死後數月在Rolling Stone雜誌訪問時才說出他在遺體處找到另外一張字條, 內容說Kurt會離開他妻子, 離開西亞圖,但沒有說要離開人世.