2008.11.29
今日..終於同Ivan fd番na..
而我真正感覺到..戈種放開ge感覺..
無咩特別原因.
只係唔想你重蹈那頹廢.浪費無謂ge時間..
我不是在乎你..只是我在乎自己如何對人的本質.
我說你自私,現在我又何常?
我的再次改變. 不是因為我在乎.
反是因為我的不在乎...
之前,我真的放手了..
而現在,我更是放開了...
有時人生,不需要過份認真..
只要快樂...只要過得好..
只要大家都好...
只要不是悲局..
沒有結局的故事...總比悲局好...
今晚同肥甘,輝,坤,B龍去睇戈個咩IT展..
電子科技...==白痴的我在陪他們逛...
我咩都無買a...
有點與時代脫節的感覺...
幸好還有他們...
之後去食水蟹粥...
番到hm..好成功咁番咳..!!
戈頭食完葯..呢頭番咳...
a......死人水蟹粥...
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2008.12.1
First, we chatted by msn, and I ended up giving u a call for my poor preparation of computer test.
U taught me patiently and I no longer treated u as a stranger as I used to.
U know, we just broke the silence of more than a yr.
I know, I've confused u as well as other pp, even myself...
but I know what I'm doing is nowhere nearly as important as just showing up and letting life show me.
U know, we just trust so little and fear so much.
I no longer dwell on past broken promises and know that I must unconditionally forgive those in my life who had hurted me in the past.
Considering that we pp just met each other by chance,
is there anything really so serious that cannot be forgiven?
It's no more time left, I just stop doing sth I might regret someday in the future.
We have lists of regrets, lists of complaints, and lists of "it will never happen."
Remember the broad smile on 彥's face she showed me.
(Sometimes a simple smile at the right time can change a life...)
Not everything that is faced can be changed,
but nothing can be changed until it is faced!
Today, let us start a new list entitled All That Is Possible With Me!
Be sobriety! a life no longer dominated by rage and pain!
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2008.12.4
So far I'm still happy and confident by myself for I seem to be surrouded with happiness and everything is favourably for me.
It being a big different to compare S2, I sometimes afraid that the happiness won't stay long for it's about time for us to go our separate ways...
I cherish every moment with them and I draw strength and confidence with each smile on their faces..
Although there have been a reconciliation between Ivan and me,
my feeling towards our fdship is no longer the same as in the past anyway.
We have no alternative but to go on without doubts, worries, anxieties and hesitaion...
Alas...just the way I'm , a person of sentiment...
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2008.12.5
Early in the morning, the temperature is getting colder than yesterday.
It's not the first, I received Ivan's msg as soon as Martin's..........
with the same information---"take care of urself"
I felt warm with mixed-feeling in their words.
Both of u, filled my diary anywhere as well as my life of high school....
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2008.12.6
Today I signals a change in my life for I finally decided to choose a career in nursing for my future...
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2008.12.7
Days come and go and I change from time to time...
I begin to realize that I no longer just leave things as they r anymore.
It does matter how we treat the certain relationship or sth else..
尋晚學完eng,同肥甘去左戈間食日本野到dinner.
呢餐其實不為什么,就為閒出一點共處的時間?
我曾經想過,中學六年..存在這般的熟切情誼,
並保留到現在的人,在我心中有兩個她(Some&臻)和兩個他(肥甘&lvan).
每次我都會建議叫埋佢地(九分七),當然知道你不願意,
我一直給你'一視同仁'的意願..你卻不願懂我的立場..
說我變了,從何見得?
...........................//
再次問起我在你們當中的地位..
肥甘說若果把你們8人當作是一堆"化學反應",那么我便是其"催化劑"..
沒有ma,反應也能如其進行..
有了ma,效率高了,一樣的生成物..
你的比喻也挺到位的.
我也不得不承認,我半個局外人的身份,
畢竟我跟你們就是有根本的區別.
其實我只要清楚 那半份局內感本不是我應份的,
而是意外得到的.
現實中太多的缺憾,總是被我們完美化..
但願一切就像想像中的那樣..
情願意識不到真實的殘酷..
例如我們會友誼永固...
突然諗起wa問過我"有無睇lvan ge blog,佢有好几個blog..."
係電腦屏前諗起..
自然開始猶豫...
然後把那些可能的關鍵詞到blog上搜尋..
我知道我不該看的..怕是那過往心潮的感覺..
你的日誌里..高二那年一片空白..
07年的 我巳不願回顧..
開始在08年8月10日你的日誌...
到現在四個月里頭,
其實在你文字的背後..也沒有我意料之外的..
只是當感覺具體地被一字一句浮現在我眼前,又是另一番感受..
還是搞不懂...我到底是被偒害的那個還是傷害的那個?
為何一直在自我折磨的人明明就可以簡簡單單快樂着..卻一直自哀沉默痛苦...
那不是我的錯......無所謂了..等它淡化吧順其...
到現在..剩下半年的時間..
各自收拾..那沉重的包袱..那故事的結局..
Powerful emotions stir as I recall the places from which I've come.
What can I do for sth I lost and missed...
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2008.12.9
These days, the feeling of familiar and strange overcome again while I'm with Ivan.
We become friendly and everything seems up to me.
I don't really completely accept another new me from time to time.
Yes, I never really know myself...and everything I did was always without knowing y.
I don't even have time to think.
Can tears r eventually replaced with laughter, loneliness with companionship, fear with bravey, and pain with strenght?
What is the ans? In that case, what is the question?
I just wish everything is that simple..........
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