日記是我的回憶,我含糊不清的人生,見證著自己的過去,有我想記住的,也有我不想記住的。
我從來都是一個很矛盾的人,所以引致我失去很多,錯過很多。
我從來沒有想過自己會這麼坦率的,我希望自己被重視的同時又去重視他人,偏我又不願坦率面對自己的情感,坦率地在人前表達自己的情感,出於害羞嗎?年少無知,小毛孩。
我不敢說自己現在這一刻就最好,但年齡的確在改變我。
The main reason of writing this blog is I met her in my dream last night.
Who's is she?
She is mio.
If you know my history,you can find out who mio is.
I don't know what i am saying.
I never said any sercet in my blog until now.
i am afraid that others get the sercet.In the same time, i really hope someone to have my sercet in my deep heart.
However,it had been the past.
I have regretted of the puppy love.
i had lost the chance with her,i have missed her.And after that,i had lost other.
i've been keeping to miss many people.
But,She is the one. She is unique.That's why i can't forget her.
i have no idea that why i dreamed her last night.
i feel something changed in my mind.Something is different.
That's why i've made a decision of closing the blog.
I can't find out her xanga blog anymore.
i've felt i lost her.
It may be the time i should close the blog.
Also,I can't stop thinking about her.
i can't get sleep again in the morning.
i've just woke up and write this blog.
i really understand i've no more interest and time to maintain the blog regularly.
i don't what the relationship between mio and the blog is.
i just have got a idea that i need to end the age of the blog of mine.
i should give my hand out of the past.
However,When i sign in the blog,i sense that it might not be the last blog.
因為我的意願並不重要,日記網站的經營都不是我可以控制的。
就算我今天沒有寫,但只要這網仍在,我仍然可以再寫。
不過儘管如此,我仍然決定close my blog now.
我有3個正在使用的日記,xanga1,qooza1,qooza2
xanga不幸地無backup功能,最少我搵唔到.雖然後來xanga1同qooza1同步,但之前仍有一些日記不同步,我會花時間backup佢地。
我係一個喜歡擁抱過去既人,我就是停不了。
至於qooza2係寫內心深處既日記,是後來增加的。
因為當年拍拖時她知道這網誌,我於是就增加了。
出於一種小朋友心態,一種自閉心態,一種想擺脫過去既心態,唔願意比其他人知道自己既心情、日常事,尤其係一個曾經如此親密既人。
但寫呢一個blog既原因就正正就係我想有人知道自己既事。真係好矛盾,呢個就係我。
「如果係咁,點解我依家又會寫出黎?」
好簡單,因為依家我心境改變了,唔單止可以比佢知,甚至係其他咁岩入到黎既人知都ok,知道就知道吧,反正已經過去。
有可能是最後。當知道有可能呢一刻係最後一刻,心入面自己豁達好多。
我將會由facebook del左3個blog既link.
qooza幸運地可以backup,省去我不少功夫。
其實我真係好矛盾,當就黎寫完既時候,我忽然想將呢一篇blog轉返入去qooza2.
又或者拆左佢,只收錄部分入qooza1,其他入qooza2.
我突然又唔想咁坦白。
我猶豫不決......
I hate this.
damn it!!
死就死啦,我自我中心太強了,一年都唔知有無一個過路人。
我又驚又怕,但又想比人知。
吊!我討厭這樣的自己。
每次寫日記,猶其寫qooza2既時候,我會更深的發現真實既自己,我討厭他!
很內弱,很無能,很矛盾。
我往往都會用好多時間去面對那討厭的自己,我經常會自我澎漲,經常惡循環地自我心情低落。
去死吧!
呢一刻,我心想,這是唯一一篇,也是最後一篇,這是特別的日記。
分拆?隱藏?
此刻又煙消雲散。
um......還有什麼想寫?
暫時沒有了。
長日記qooza2以後或者會有,不過隨緣啦,我好耐之前都想話1個月可以寫到1篇qooza2,最後我差唔多大半年無寫。
突然今日就感覺自己未必會再想寫,唔想再強制維持,所以決定backup封存,以後每寫一篇都會係「最後一篇」,直到一天qooza關閉或我完全遺忘qooza2.
總感覺自己有很多藉口。
唉,一想到呢一點,突然又好sad.
短日記qooza1,即係呢個。想寫就寫,,純粹for fun,記得就會backup.
純粹只寫標題。
總係感覺自己好似將會進入另一個人生歷程。
謝謝qooza,謝謝收看過的人。
這是我24歲的一刻。
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