I have not be here for long. Because of YY who always tell me to write blogs, I suddenly think of here at this moment. A_A

This is the last day of my DSE. I'm going to have English Oral at 5pm, the task that I am scared of. 

Everytime I feel nervous before English Oral Exam.

Although my mind keep asking me: what's the point of getting nervous?, my emotions cannot answer. Gosh.....Under the contradiction of my mind and my emotions, I get stucked. Eventually, I get more and more nervous, with the conflicts within my heart, with the pressure given by myself, when it gets sooner and sooner to the time I have English Oral. 

And today, I can't tolerate .\_/. Not going to the school oral practise, I come here to attempt to solve this problem, or somehow giving myself a place to release the burden. 

(Well this piece is typed in English because I have to get the sense of how to speak in English before my exam!)

Mind: What am I afraid of?!

Emotion: I dont' know, I just know I am afraid. 

Mind: There is no point for you to afraid. First of all, it is not necessary to afraid of a task that doesn't affect your future path at all. Do you really think you can have a higher chance to successfully apply for Design when you can talk better English? The subject English is not the main concern of Design, while the marks of English Oral only occupies a small part of the total subject marks.

And most importantly, I believe that you can get pretty satisfied marks. You are ok with your oral, though you may have hesitation at some times, you are able to speak concrete ideas with some elaborations. Don't afraid of groupmates who may have higher ability than you. As long as you have the ability, you wouldn't get defeated.

Emotion: Perhaps I am afraid of the people I am talking with. When they are able to speak better than me, with great fluency and a wide range of vocabulary, I hesitate.....

Mind: You are OK with that. You know, marks are given due to the own ability of candidates, but not comparing the candidates. There are always people who are better than you, but don't forget those who are worse than you. It is cruel to say that, but exam is cruel.

Just speak normally! Good communication means your message can clearly deliver to others, and others can understand. It doesn't matter if you can't use complicated English patterns or difficult vocabulary, and they are odd to use during speaking English. This is not your style at all. Relax yourself, speak with confidence and seek for understanding of others, this is the way you can deliver a message.

Emotion: I may still feel afraid of the people who speak better than me.......When they talk, I'm afraid to open my mouth. I feel that we are not belong to the same world. I become difficult to open myself. 

Mind: Remember! Good communication is not mainly due to how well you talk in English. Communication skills and the content are also important points. Don't get lost when you realize you are not so good with the grammar, or the way you manipulate the sentence patterns. You are fine with what you speak. You may compare yourself with them automatically with no reasons, but bear in mind that it doesn't matter at all. Try to answer what they talk and raise some relevant points is already enough to get marks. 

Emotion: I feel more secure now, but I feel a bit nervous to talk in English. Maybe my past experiences.....

Mind: Don't be scared by your past experiences. You may get stuck in the middle or what beforehand, and this may actually happen in your oral exam. However, remembering your unsuccessful past experience is useless to solve the problem right now. Your past does not equal to your future. In order to improve the future, you can practise to speak in English at the present. 

Also, it is only because you have not spoken in English for a long long time after the study leave..............Pick it up now! \0/ And I believe everyone is the same --- does not speak in English for a long time when he/she fights for the dse. It's fair. That's why there is nothing to afraid of.

Emotion: Now I feel a sense of rejection of speaking English.....I don't want to practise.......zzz 

Mind: You have no need to get away from that. You see! You have typed such a big big piece! Train your speed of thinking by speaking English out is ok~ (Writing in English always give me a longer time to load the next sentence as the typing speed is always slower than the talking speed)

I think I'm lunatic to seperate myself into two -3- but this is how I make myself settle down -3- I begin to figure out why I am afraid of --- afraid of not getting used to speaking English, afraid of people who speak better than me. Now I realize that these psychological barriers are somehow stupid. When I calm down and think in detail, I know how stupid I was to think in this way. 

It's glad to have a conversation with myself .....hahahahaha =V=

mmm.....after today, DSE gets away from me  A new page of life starts~~~~

In fact I have been waiting for this day. The day I get away from the control of school works, exams and the school. In the past, we are always being controlled under the schedule arranged by the school, and now, I am F-R-E-E 

I can pick up MY daily routine ^O^ I believe that my life belongs to myself :)

11:19am

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15:37pm

this is 15mins before i have to leave.

unfortunately, i still feel nervous now. -__________-" 

is this my fate?!?!?!?! TT o TT

nevermind...i've got used to getting nervous -,-

and it's normal to feel nervous isn't it? /v\