昨天我見到抄士msn名字寫著他說了謊, 心裡不舒服, 睡不著... 那我就問他怎麼了... 可是他說沒有, 他在忙... 於是我就不打擾他了...

快到呀美的生日, 於是今天我們相約出來玩... 人: 美, 琪, kat, sophie, 樂, becky, 家駿, 力和我... 本身他們說抄士也會去的...我就覺得奇怪呀, 怎麼不見人?!

我們先去打bowling... yeah! 我最喜歡的bowling!!!! 嘩, 樂超利害的耶! 卧虎藏龍喔!! 哈哈我也不差, 都拿個90分...哈哈哈...

可是becky就打得很差, 幾乎全gutter... 那一向出名好人的樂, 就跟她講: 你有沒有什麼不喜歡的東西?! 就當那些pins是你最討厭的東西, 出力向它們扔...

我一聽到這句話, 就已經覺得有些不妥... 不是不妥...我也不知道該怎麼講... 就是, 沒什麼男生會主動跟她講話, 因為她不美, 像個男生, 又不說話...就連那時候主動對我好的抄士, 也沒有跟她講過話...  更不要說麥生了...

我們打完bowling去看電影, 之後就走了... 誰知在車站見到抄士!!

他變了一個磨菇頭.....(笑死)  我以為是約好在那邊的...

之後上了車, 力說: 不跟人家say個hi?   那我就轉過頭去看他呀... 誰知一轉身, 車就開, 我平衡不了差點摔到...

力: 怎麼見到人家就變這樣子?!   我就踹他呀! 哼~  我們根本就不是那種關係!!!><"   之後我還是沒有跟抄士打招呼= =  他大概沒有看見我吧, 反正他沒有想跟我say hi的意思......

我聽到力, 樂和抄士的對話, 好像是說某人生抄士氣的...... 一聽下去, 原來是說家駿生了他氣?!

因為本身他約他出來, 他說沒有空之類的, 詳細情形我不清楚~  可是今天又在戲院那邊碰到他...那就是說他不是沒有空, 而是去了玩...

哦!!! 我明白他那天msn名字是什麼意思了!! 沒猜錯的話應該是說他騙了家駿......

唉~ 我越來越覺得抄士很可憐......朋友們都遂漸疏離他... 之前玉米姐說他變了很多, 講話的語氣像在裝老大似的... 於是又生了他氣= =

可是我倒不這樣覺得耶! 之前他打給我, 語氣還是一樣呀~ 都是這麼..溫柔......哈哈哈~!

我真的不明白為什麼玉米姐要這樣對他..... 明明自己就比他還要兇幾百倍......~

今天我可以看得出來, 抄士很不開心... 可是我知道如果我找他的話, 他只會覺得煩... 因為我知道, 我一向都令人覺得煩......

真的不知道該怎麼幫他...怎麼安慰他... 大概什麼都不做對他就是最好的吧~~  我衷心希望你可以跟玉米姐&家駿和好!!

呀美她們他一起到了我們家吃bday cake &玩cards...

在分蛋糕的時候, 樂說他要先走, 媽媽催他回家...... 那他們就叫他吃完蛋糕才走呀~ 好笑...他說可不可以打包......

那正當他們打算拿盒子幫他打包的時候, 他說: 就這樣拿可以嗎?! 反正我家很近......

就是這樣, 他拿著2只紙碟, 上面有2塊蛋糕, 走回家了.....= =     <----還有他媽媽的那份...

最奇怪的是......becky幫他開了廳的門...不只這樣, 她還主動說幫他開大門!!! 樂...你還真有本事~ 連我們的becky姐都......哈哈~

樂走了之後, 在走廊上我趁沒有人就問她: 怎麼了? 喜歡人家?!!!

她就當然是說: 痴線

哈哈哈哈哈!!!!!! 我可是可以很輕看出誰喜歡誰喔~~!!!!  所以說呢.... becky你就不用再裝了吧!!! 呵呵呵~~  祝你們幸福!!

今天晚上在msn, 麥生又hi我了.....

他: 你最近好嗎

這句話, 好像怪怪的......語氣就像情人分手後講的......哈, 讓我冷笑一下.....

我就說ok la, 多謝有心.....

之後他就沒有回應...... 我真的很想知道, 他究竟在搞什麼?! 忽然間又找我, 問我近況什麼的......該不是又在打什麼壞主意吧...

我真的很怕......很怕他會再傷害我,欺騙我... 所以我嘗試盡量和他保持距離

其實我真的很想大大聲聲的對他說一聲: 我愛你!!!!!

我恨不得讓全世界知道我有多愛他, 愛到不能自拔.... 可是我不能這樣做

我控制不了自己的心不去愛他, 可是我可以控制自己的行動, 不表露我對他的情感~

我對自己說過, 如果有朝一日, 他再次對我表白, 我也不會跟他交往... 因為我面對不了一個曾經這樣傷我的人...

唉, 心情可真矛盾! 誰人來告訴我該怎麼辦?!! 他跟我講話, 我其實是很開心的, 可是另一方面, 我慨擔心又煩惱...

開心是因為我很想念他, 很想與他對話....

擔心是因為我不知道他又在打什麼主意

煩惱是因為他令我死不了心......

求你---求你讓我死心吧! 除了令自己死心之外, 我想不到任何的解決方法......

如何可以不愛他?!!!`

唉...今天又被欺負了...pe課, jodie adams走過來, 手拿著網球用的鐵圍欄, 問我: can i hit your head wiv that 我當然說不可以...她: y does it hurt? 我: of coz 她:will you cry? 我: no 她: so y cant i hit you? 我: coz i dont want u to   之後她又問becky... 那我放學又告訴auntie... 她也是叫我就要還口什麼的... 那其實今天這個已經比昨天好...沒有upset我這麼多... 我今天想了很久, 我真的覺得在這邊讀書, 沒有a single thing better than in mc... 我絶對不覺得我可以在這裡學到比mc多東西... 而且又要被欺負...究竟是為什麼?! 我就跟我爸講呀... 可是他就說, 一年吧... 再過一年看看怎麼樣... 其實我知道他只是在騙我...哈  認識你這怎多年, 還不知道你是什麼人嘛... 之後不知道講什麼, 忽然覺得很不開心, 就呯一聲, 眼淚全爆出來了... 唉... 我真的很想回去我的故鄉, 可是我媽不肯... 我就知道她不肯... 我爸本來還是很幫我, 可是之後慢慢就說: 其實, 我們為你賣了房子, 花了這麼多錢, 你現在說要回來, 不是很不為我們著想嗎?! 對你有一點點失望, 我知道你這麼不開心, 我還責怪你真的很不應該... 所以, 我不是在怪你, 只是想你去成長... 不要只為這麼小的事而被影響心情, 嚷著要回來...

他就跟我說了很多...... 我知到我很沒用, 這樣就說要回去... 我知道我很任性... 對不起, 我不會讓你們擔心的了...

我決定以後, 無論再怎麼被人欺負, 都不會嚷著要回去......

雖然我真的很想..........

this morning when i had pe, we play somet like baseball i dont really know whats it call...i was wiv sharni twinie becky amanda n heather. <--sorry if i missed out anyone...the opposite team is jodie gemma ela charmaine katie n rach... when it was my turn, i just ran down wivout touching the pole thing, then the fucking fatty bitch jodie adams shouted at me r8 loud... <--sorry for my swearing but i dont like the swear words in chinese so i type this in english  

she went like " what u doin u need to touch that oh fuck sake" somet like that...

she is too rude my godd such a manlike bitch, bastard!!! i dont know what else can i use to describe in order to release a little bit of my fucking anger r8 now!!!!

i really dunno what the hell is this school or even this country goin on... what the fuck is it teaching the students ... just leave them alone n do what they like?!!!

after that i said sorry to her coz i know that really was my fault for not touching the pole... but i dun think she needed to shout at me like that... i know why they dun like me n keep bullying me in any ways its because im better than them...much more better...i took their 20pounds vouchers n i can play music i can do maths n my school work is far more better than theirs....they then went jealous... its not fucking fair that they hv to bully me when im better than them!!! they are bad just because they dun pay their effort to study to learn, instead of shout messing around during lessons!!!

im really sooo quiet at school coz my english is not good n i cant chat wiv them that fluently... im really trying to improve u know but they just dun even give me a chance! is it really r8 fun to laugh at me or bully me?!! im also a human! theres no differences between white ppl asia ppl n black ppl!!! theres just differences between good ppl n bad ppl!! huh i know youre fuckin white ppl, so what?!! u cant do anything better than meh!!! what are u borned for?!! just doin non sense things?! or being racis?!!! fuck off!!!!!

im really lookin forwad to see what the hell youre goin to do or goin to be when u ppl grow up... bagger?! ha! u dun even got a single talent!! just wasting the resources in the world!!! stop being like a worm plzz...use your brain to think what u meant to do... n plz stop being fucking racis on me n other foreign ppl who cant speak english tht well!! oh plz u know what... some ov u even cant spell the word radio!! what the fuck! why are u an english ppl!?!!!! haha what a shame~!!

at break time, im really so upset so i went into the toilet n cried out! letting no one know!! my tear drop went onto the floor, i hope it can wash away the crime what u ppl hv done! i bet its the first time that i went like that...... i never cried in school for being bullied in shcc be4... coz i know in shcc, i wont be bullied... though theres still some faggots like sn ftang... but i wont cry! becoz theyre once my best fds!!! oh my god why did i talk about this topic agen! more n more things that comes out of my mind n upset me!!! whatever...

im really soo unhappy but luckily i still got my good buddy cathy... shes always wiv me, supporting me... why cant all white ppl do like her?! shes white aswell!!! bloody hell.~! when i get hm, my mum phoned me n i finally told her everything... coz i know im not gonna hide everything in my heart n swallow them by myself... im not tough enough to do this...i will really be ill if i do that......"

i told mum tht i want to come bk n study... but she immediately said NO... oh i feel really disappointed!!! i miz my hometown sooo bad!! i miz everything in it! but my mum wont let me go bk....... after a while, my dad rang me... he comforted me a lot n i really feel much more better... he said he does want me to come bk too... but after some time, he started to tell me to think twice or somet, just tell me not to decide it that quick... i know that he wants me to stay, for my future, but he said those things at first just becoz he wanted me to be happy... i love you dad... mum aswell, though u wont let me back lol~

after tea, i talked to auntie, as dad told me to, for sure i didnt tell her i want to go bk to mc... just told her that i was bullied, n she said i hv to make good relationships wiv fds, then we can fight the evil ppl 2gether... though theres still no spaces in those 2 top schools, i hv to stay n try my best... actually the only reason tht i dun want to go to tt, is becoz ryans there, i really dun want to see him,,, i want to go to ke7, coz emmas there...n i think its a better skool... nomatter how i think, how i imagine, theres still no space! haha stupid me... thank you auntie i feel much much more better now after listening to you...... you know what youre just like my mum, i love u too......

though i still want to go bk to mc so much, i know im gonna miz auntie them ppl...... aii...n i miz cathy... if i cant go bk to study, i will do my best in this fucking skool... coz i know that will be the best way to make myself become happier~~

still angry wiv u ppl huh jodie adams!!!!!