today, my mind went blank

how come we have so many decisions to make in life

how come i would always be affected by others when my determination was firm and unshakable

how come life is divided in dichotomy, success or failure, right or wrong

since last school year in April, i was determined not to join track and field again next year because of the hardwork

right now, i can't really remember what was the life in track but i could remember the toughness and unwillingness of myself involving in such an activity

today, my coach asked me again if i was going to PE and i answered him yes

after that, he gave us a long speech about our motivation to run and if we really want to be there

when the class was over, i asked him if i had to dress out tomorrow because it's a physical test for the upcoming athletes

and i am not one of them becuase i was determined not to join track

i have no idea why i hate the track so much because whenever i have to step up on the track, i just complain and complain until we have to start running

then, the coach answered me as why do i not want to join track

i told him that i like cross country a lot better than track because i hate running around the same place over nad over again

therefore, he told me that he's not forcing me to join track but it would be a great deal to me if i am not in the training for track this year

in his eyes, i am a potential runner who is not determined to give whatever i have and always dragged my feet behind

therefore, he told me that if i don't join track this year, it will be very tough for me to compete with the girls who are going to track and get trained

i understand this concept very well before the decision but now i am shaken

i know for sure that if i give in whatever i have, i can easily make into the varsity team and be a top runner of our cross country team

therefore, i really want to be in there even though it means that i have to run a lot next year and so on

i start to like cross country more than my freshman year but i still am uncertain on whethere i should join track and harm myself

however, there's no choice for me... the road in front of me is set and all it matters right now is how i am going to walk through it