for still loving me and not caring that I'm a lesbian. It was so hard to hide it from you because i always wanted to tell you about the girls i liked and the conversations i had with dayna and whatnot. and I'll admit that even though i DID have a weird, SMALL crush on Bora, I may have made it sound like i liked him more than i really did, just so you would think I was straight.

were you ever wondering why? probably not. but ill explain. when i was 6 my stepfather molest me. for abour 3 years. i finally told my mother one morning after I couldnt take the abuse and sexualy acts any longer.

Also because I'm always telling you how cute you are!I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I really think you're soo beautiful, and Fai is really lucky to be boyfriend of you. Thank you, Ham!

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

thank you Kit, for still loving me and not caring that I'm a lesbian. It was so hard to hide it from you because i always wanted to tell you about the girls i liked and the conversations i had with dayna and whatnot. and I'll admit that even though i DID have a weird, SMALL crush on Bora, I may have made it sound like i liked him more than i really did, just so you would think I was straight.

were you ever wondering why? probably not. but ill explain. when i was 6 my stepfather molest me. for abour 3 years. i finally told my mother one morning after I couldnt take the abuse and sexualy acts any longer.

Also because I'm always telling you how cute you are!I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I really think you're soo beautiful, and Fai is really lucky to be boyfriend of you. Thank you, Ham!

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

This weekend started out badly, and has yet to end, so lets hope it doesnt end on a bad note, making for one hell of a week.

First my dad come home. He hasn't been home for nearly two months. Whenever my stepmum and him get together, they are always arguing. Always, they never stop. It is not good atmosphere for me to be in, it makes me stressed. = =
Well my dad yell at me for being on the computer. it is the first time we talk to eachother and he yells at me at 7:00 in the morn'. I already know that the weekend is going to be a bad one.
All day I am working on ACT, except then something good happens! I get to go to the mall with Kit, Ayaka, Andrew, Amy, and Mary!! It was SO much fun! I love them all very much, they are very good friends!

Then the next night (I can't even remember what happened during the day, I don't know why...haha) we went bowling and then when we come home, they are arguing again. yelling and being annoying, and I start crying but very silent, no one even knows I am crying. Then my dad says something to me and starts arguing with me, and I am just trying to eat my dinner. he is yelling and it makes me cry harder, and louder. he make fun of me and say "ohh, cry" in a baby voice, it makes me cry harder. I start yelling about how he shouldn't come to our home if he is only going to argue with everyone. I start bawling and shaking. I can't stop shaking. Even when I am not crying, I am shaking. I go upstairs and cry for almost 10 minutes straight. I want to call Kit, but there is nothing for me to say, and it is nearly 1 am. I text my friend but then I decide not to bother him with my problems. :(

The next day~today~I have to work at 8am. My dad is already arguing before I leave the car for work when he drop me off...which makes me in a sad mood. it is my birthday and I am working at McDonalds. I am thinking about ONE thing only, and that is that Kit is going to stay the night and we are going to watch scary movies and scream and giggle and be like best friends are.
The work day is long, but ends early when she asks me if I want to go home early! I shout "YES!" and I jump up and down, and do a little "happy" dance (american tradition, Kit ^^). Everyone knew how excited I was for my friends to stay the night! I wasn't sure about Ayaka still, and was planning to call her soon.

I walked to the Goodwill, to find some things, I was bored and I like the snow. When I am trying clothes on, Mary (Kits cousin) calls me and says that Kit cannot come tonight because she is sick. I said okay, and then we hang up. then I look in the mirror and say "do not cry, its okay" but I can't help it. It's like a little kid who has ice cream cone fall on the floor. or lost something special. it is gone, and I start crying, but only a little because I am in the store, and I don't want to make a scene.

I got some shirts and walked to RePets, which is a place where they have animals that no one wants, so they can be adopted. Sometimes after work I go there to pet the animals. There is one kitty that plays with my fingers, my strings, and soon, we are playing with my phone charm. she understands that I am sad, and shares my sadness. we are both caged, helpless animals trying desperatley to make the best of life, and to just survive. we play some more before I leave and call my stepmum. I tell her I am ready to leave.

My dad is shocked to hear that Kit can't come. He asks me if I want Chinese food. haha, is that supposed to replace Kit? oh well. I say thank you in Chinese to the woman who gives me food. She smiles VERY big haha, and I feel stupid because I am American, but proud a little. >.>

Then my parents give me presents. my stepmum gives me a sewing machine, because I like to sew things, and make things! it is very thoughtful! Then my dad gives me a paper from the computer that says he bought two tickets to see Tegan and Sara. then I say "so we are going?" And he says, "you can go with another friend, if you want" which is VERY IMPORTANT because he never trust me like that before! yay getting older!! I say thank you, and I almost wish I can cry because I am so happy and so that i look like I care. I really am so happy, but I know i looked like I didn't care very much. It's because even though they were so wonderful, i was still sad about the weekend.

 Then I babysit. I am still kind of babysitting, but he is asleep. I am very tired myself. then Kit gave me her present! IT IS AMAZING!! Kit is such a good friend, and I tell her how sometimes I think she pretends to like me because I know I am amazing. and plus...I am American, and maybe I'm the only person who cares. = =
I don't know. But it is like a slideshow with poems and pictures and thoughtful words from her. It is better than anything she could have bought for me. I love it so much, and I cried when I watched it. I miss Kit :'(

Anyway, i am so tired, I can barely keep my eyes open. They are burning. I guess I will go now.
nighnight.

ps) COMMENT KIT! AND PUT UP PICTURES!!  ^_^ I LOVE YOU~

I am scared!! I have to tell Kit about my secrets! haha...hmm...Maybe I am making a too big deal of things. I just don't want her to hate me!! Even though she promised...even though it doesnt matter.This is Kit! She is my best friend! I know that I have not known her for very long, but it feels like I have known her forever!! She makes me laugh so hard everyday!!
Today was good day. we had snow day yesterday and I played in the snow with Bora!! It feels weird because sometimes I really like Bora, and other times, I am thinking about the other person I like.
I don't know what to do. I know that maybe I have chance with Bora, but i dont want to date him. I just want to be friends and flirt with him...maybe...I dont know what I want. But I know that I want more than friends with other crush. But the problem is that they don't know!!! I don't KNOW!!!
*cry*

I have to work tomorrow from 4-10pm gross!!
My birthday is next saturday!! yay! I will be 17 years old! I want to go see scary movie with Kit on my bday but the movie we want to see doesnt come out until March 21st :(
But I know that I want to hang out with her then! I don't want to sit at home alone because my parents are going to Nashville, Tennessee. I will be all alone on my birthday! SAD!!

I want to put music on this blog, but I don't know how. I would ask Kit, but I still feel stupid for even having this. But she noticed haah! she wrote on her blog: "sara, i cant believe you just got on here and wrote comment!" or something like that...I cant remember exactly. I feel really REALLY stupid even when I say Chinese or Japanese word because i am NOT either one, and I probably look so so so stupid :( Plus, I found this today:
Anyways, I will keep posted whats going on...and when I talk to Kit *scared*

I am embarassed because I am not chinese. I am not Japanese. I cannot read any chinese or speak. Only few words. I am embarrased because I make this blog despite these things. I only made this because my good friend has it, and I guess I would like to comment on hers because I read her blog anyways. Is this stupid? I don't know if she will think it is really stupid...or that I should stay in my stupid, American website, not in Hong Kong website...but I love to translate...its fun...<br><br>

anyway, today is first day of work.
this is what I do: french fries. put french fries in grease, wait...shake, dump, put salt on them, then put them in container. only very, very fast.<br><br>

Lately I've been very confused because...well...my life is just turning around...wierd...
I have new friends, losing touch with the old ones. I have long realised that they are shallow. Now I am good friends with Kit, Ayaka, and well...I guess thats it. But its really good. they are honest, funny, and the best part is, they dont pretend to be something. they can say something stupid or act stupid and not care to look cool. this is my favourite part.<br><br>

What i like most about Kit:
she is adorable! her hair is cute cut and falls black and straight against her cute clothes, my favourite is green puffy vest. she is soo funny! and she is chinese! she is smart enough to pick up on english, and to understand American traditions. she is positive, and gentle. she is beautiful and very smart in school! she likes Vitas, art and taking pictures! and best part is that she likes me! haha. well, i dont want friend who doesnt like me!<br><br>

What I like most about Ayaka:
she does animal impression!! she is adorable with little plaid skirt and tights! she is very smart! she is Japanese!! she is good japanese teacher, and she isnt very good at english (yes, good thing)! it takes her FOREVER to take tests. she freaks out about bad grades! :) she can understand inside joke too. she is cute and has cute smile! she is negative, so its fun to be negative with her. she likes me too! like kit! ^.^<br><br>

but i am confused mostly because i like a boy. his name is bora. but, i have another problem. because if you are other friend, you would know something about me. this doesnt make sense.
however, if you are Kit, reading this, maybe you understand?<br><br>

>.><br><br>

help.<br><br>

<a href="http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/aussiesheela/?action=view&current=origamianim.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a189/aussiesheela/origamianim.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>