I had my first English language lesson with 2c/d/e class, the good class. But I was quite dissatisfied with my performance. The students were bored. I could sense that. Although I was not as nervous as I had expected, and the class was quieter than I had thought, that was not the ideal situation that I am looking forward to see. I want to reflect on the lessons.

I remember a teacher said, "When teachers are in, life is out." How ironic it is! I don't want this to happen in my lessons. God, you know I love my students. I really want to make my lessons better. I don't just want to run the syllabus. I want to bring something, some sorts of intangible gifts for them. But I realize my limitations. After all, I am green, not experienced. God, God, God...could you please give me a hand?! I beg for your help!!!

However, I have a secret worry that if my lessons are too relaxing, I may lose control of the class. I don't want to see that happen either. How can I strike a balance. The road in front is like a mystery. Where should I go? What steps should I take? God, help!!!

主啊:

那個難處又來了,我知道原因,但找不著解決方法。我該怎麼辦呢?我要對主有信心啊,祂能使死人復活,絶對能解決我那小小的問題。主啊,救我!!

洗完澡後,獨個兒静下來,想起自己是一個奇特的人:愛上一樣東西的時候,我會專一地愛它,不會輕易改變,有時還有點怕別人覺得奇怪,但我對那事物仍是一樣。當我做一件事的時候,是多麼的專心、投入,日以續夜地做,我會為它而忘了自己,直至看到鏡中反映的自己的模樣,那時我會被自己嚇怕了自己。主啊,祢要借此機會叫我關心一下自己嗎?有時真想哭,祢要我愛人如己,但我想說我都不懂愛自己,怎樣叫我愛人如己呢?心中一些盲點真的看不見,唯有旁觀者看得穿、看得清......我有很多盲點,誰來讓我看見?

很緊張啊,明天就是開學的日子,很想見到我的學生啊!不知她們見到我會有什麼反應呢?我會否很害怕呢?心情既緊張又興奮。其實我很想做一個得學生喜愛的老師,當然我更想的是將知識和做人的道理傳給她們。前陣子想到一樣東西,就是以基督的心去教學。當我教的時候,我要和主一起;想像若主站在我這個位置上,祂會怎樣做呢?祂對人的心是怎樣的呢?當我想到這點的時候,不禁覺得學生們可愛起來了,我也要懂得像主一樣去愛她們。

主啊,真的很開心,因為祢讓我達成小時候的願望。若不是祢,我真的不可能有今日。主啊,我的一切都是出於祢諸般的恩典。是的,我要向祢還願。

希望今晚不會睡不著。

雖然未正式上課,但我已開始過適應當老師的生活了。這幾天都是回校開會,知道了自己來年的職責。工作量可真不少呢,第一天開會,我的暗瘡又出現了,我很害怕啊,因為那意味著我難以應付當教師的壓力,我有點沮喪,我向主述說這心情,但仍叫自己要信任主的幫助,加上祂容許在我身上發生的事情一定是我應付得到的,不然祂不會給我。懷著這份信念,我繼續前進。感謝主,雖然工作沒有比之前少,但我的皮膚似乎有一點兒改善,我相信主必幫助的。

真的花了不少金錢在預備新學年上,包括添置新衣服和文具,但不要緊,這些金錢是省不了的,我也能賺回來的。現在有點擔心的是爸爸,不知他又有何詭計,主啊,救我!另外,我要教中二電腦科,很多東西我都不懂,所以要邊學邊教,希望我有智慧吧,求主祝福!

我要做個好老師!

此刻的我心情有點兒複雜。明天上班了,我要成為一位老師了,感覺真的很特別;手上有些事要幹,又要面對新開始,有點感受缺乏支持,但我不能容許這感受影響自己,我要為自己禱告!!越面對困難,我越要倚靠主,祂的恩典够我用。

星期六由我和黃頁領詩,我們"夾"的形式不同了,須要再加以綵排,求主記念!!不知是否仇敵攻擊,我今天不太喜樂,身體很疲之啊!很搞笑地,離開聚地前,我和carmen講起了雪糕,我立時醒來了,原來還有東西令我振奮過來,真開心!不寫了,我還有很多東西要做。