sth wrong with me again-_-

wt the hell` y there hv so much thing happen on me?

the first thing is the fdship problem..

i think its fine right n0w.. h0pe so

but i don't want to happen it one more time.. is hurt enough

the second one.. is the problem with my family><

i think that's n0t a big problem to me n0w

they seemz fine.. didn't always scold at me

0f c0z i am happy 0f that.. but i am thinking that y they are so gd n0w-_-

0k. the last problem and it used to be the m0st important problem

is that the thing between me and bb

hate to keep on thinking 0f that.. its horrible

17/10/2008

i sent an email to bb after we chat at msn and he went to school

"i said that i hv too much thingz to handle these dayz.. and sick 0f  these

and i felt our distant become m0re and m0re longer after i sd msg with TD

we seemz didn't find each other as that m0re as b4"

i hate that s0 much.. everytime when i feel down i just want him to find me

but i f0rget that he don't kn i happy 0r n0t.. just always wait

and finally we didn't find each other

that's n0t the result that i want to see..

"i want to turn back as b4"

then i went to sleep// when i get up i receive an email from him

that make me cry.. "he said he kn wt i wanna do.. then he said see u my best fd"

sth like that.. 0h that make me feel sad..

but when i look at that f0r the first time.. i hv nth to say

then i cried,

later on.. we seemz fine again` that just scare me

and i found that we really with sth different compare with b4

sigh.. sometime i just think that if we break up that maybe better than n0w

but i really don't want.. the m0st important reason aren't i l0ve him s0 much

although i am. but is i nd him so much

if one day,, i find another one to in his pose and i dont nd him anym0re

he will disappear in my life.. that's n0t wt i want to see

i want bb to stay with me.. and i want to live with bb` sometimez

but i kn i won't.. and i don't nd him s0 soon

as wt i said b4.. someone is coming to his pose.. doing some of his j0b

anywayz,, i think i am still loving bb so much

he is the m0st important man in my life right n0w.

it will change it soon

he find me n0w f0r saying he miss me.. h0h0 me2

and said that he had counted after h0w many day then he will back

53. waiting f0r bb's call and waiting f0r his back

y0h0` i am still bb lover ma? h0pe so

there are nth to say anymore.. see u next time fd

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hold.

i just sick 0f everything..

everyday bad newz,,

i hate to pretend happy`

yup.. i am the one who produce smlie><

but doesn't mean i laugh bec0z i happy

i can't control myself.. f0r laughing

although i kn that i feeling down.. i will still laugh

in these dayz...

comm class classmate keep hving a down mood c0z 0f our result

i seemz don't hv hyper in the class

everytime i wanna cry 0r laugh;;

i don't want to do that in front 0f anyone

i hate that feeling!!!!

9/10/2008

we hv T&T at the last lesson..

kk sir had said sth that was funny.. i f0rg0t wt's that

anywayz,, i become hyper again

b0nnie said i didn;t laugh that lound and crazy f0r a long time

at that moment i f0und that i hv too much thing to handle

i f0rg0t h0w to laugh,, guy

i hate to waiting bb for a long time but he still didn't find me

i hate wongyukling to do such stupid thing to me

i hate her so damn much

u!!!! never be my fd again" I W0N'T ACCEPT U ANYWAYZ

u can go to die.v. wt the hell

i hate to hv those relationship with my fdz

i hate i can't cheer my fdz up

i hate myself.. sometimez

many thingz coming to let e handle

but i didn't g0t that power to do that..

no one kn.. no one care

actually.. i don't nd it

just let me do wtever i like.. just let me to die

i want to separate with bb.. i think f0r two dayz

i really don't want to wait

that was s0 annoying.. and make me mad

bb seemz never wait f0r me

h0w many time i wait f0r him? i f0rg0t already

bb went to canada f0r nearly two monthz

we had argue f0r about three timez

same as that when he is in hk

wt's the advantage to let him go there?

bb just called me seven timez after he arrive there

i nearly to f0rget his voice

wt's the reason to keeo our relationship?

i can't feel his love,, i can't feel sweet from him

that's my problem 0r his problem?

0r.. there hv someone going in his pose make me f0cuz on the other way?

i kn that i am still loving bb

but s0rry about i really can't feel bb's love

it make me confuse><

i don't want bb to leave me,, but i want to leave  bb-,-

wt the hell am i think?!

both of us seemz rem0ving our love to somewhere

i don't kn wt should i do..

i was not that love bb when we just start

i think i hv the wrong decision.. s0rry but i regret

i just lie everyone.. being with bb was so diffcult to be happy

i want to quit.. stay away from bb

i hope that will be the best way for both of us

i am tired of it><

i really don't trust bb,, i always think that he hv the other girl fd

s0.. i be s0 cl0sed with the b0yz

although i kn that i don't love them and just treat them as my fd

h0ld.

very lazy n0w.. don't want to do anything

i l0st my energy.. all 0f it!

no one push me to L0VE,, no one push me to W0RK

i suck!! s0rry 0f all the thingz i had done b4

i am really that stupid.. i don't kn wt's going on n0w><

can i just run awa?y.. don't face anything even don't talk to bb

i don't sure all 0f the relationship

seemz i had change a l0t.. i can feel it

bec0z 0f bb? 0r bec0z 0f all the thingz  that i did and i kn?

i am n0t brave enough to do all the thingz without anyone stay with me

i hate to be alone.. i hate to stay at a quite place.. i hate to live without sound

s0.. i started to meet many fd

trying to make i feel better/3\  but it didn't work

just keep on l0sting some fd>< i suck again

sorry to everybody!

i just want to haid myself.. 0r try to treat didnt happen anything

i kn that's really hard f0r me

i can't do anything without anybody stay with me

god` help me plz

hving a meeting about "student club" in minnie home

wt a great house.. i feel so gd there

very safe.. and m0st 0f the memeber don't kn me

that's great*v*

we are chatting and drawing always..

meet many new fdz.. but they can share my feeling 0f n0t?

they are just such a little guy.. younger than me!

haha` how cute are they><

the relationship between bb and i seemz turning bad

i don't really care about that.. i think

feeling h0peless in every single night

i hvn't feel that b4.. n0w i always want to cry whlie i am laughing

i don't kn wt's happened with me

i kn that is hard to keep our relationship;; i think i can accept that when bb told me he hv to go

but i kn we can't

n0t his problem!! i always miss him and he always n0t allow to chat with me

we are n0t stay at the same time line.. wt can i d0 f0r that?

i tried everything.. i woke s0 earlier and sleep s0 late already

and i n0t suppose to do that!!! we are becoming bc on our work

we g0t no time to do the thingz that i want

i am sick 0f it.. i want to give all the thingz up

the thingz had happened after 13/2/2008

all the thing about bb and i

at least i can f0cuz on my own work n0w.. n0 regret all0wed

anyway,, i hv to thz bb f0r talking a care to me in these 7monthz

thz!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

h0ld.

these dayz feel sth wrong..

i think all 0f that is my problem again

i always do sth wrong and don't kn h0w to fix it back

my bad><

hving arugement with bb always

really don't kn wt's happened.. maybe i do sth wrong again-3-

seemz nth to talk with any body..

god! tell me wt should i do..

i am s0 seri0uz.. i don't kn wt to do

29/9/2008

feeling sth wrong with our relationship..

didn't tell anythingz out@@ i just trying to fix it by myself

u kn wt? everytime i am waiting f0r u

but i never think about that u will go out without any n0tice

i am stupid 0r i treated u as stupid?

1/10/2008

happy birthday to mainland china

go to disneyland with crystal,,

i really hv sth wanna change;; but h0w can i do it?

i don't understand wt's going on..

i just keep on do the thing that i think is correct

but i never ask..

wtever.. whlie we are traveling by mtr..

i was worried about our annual pass can go in 0r n0t

finally i kn the answer was YES

then we go inside and play the ghost space m0untain

many 0f that crazy chinese f0r china

they make me angry.. they don't like to line up` wt the hell

and when i go into the space m0untain.. i hv a bit scare

crystal hold my hand then i feel better

bb said that he want to come with me t00

the halloween thingz make me hv a bit afraid..

s0 we didn't play the " ghost house"

thz f0r staying with me<3

3/10/2008

happy birthday to carmen& yen

although u two twinz don;t kn who am i

i had watched ur xg f0r a quite long period

the case becoming m0re diffclut

i can't handle it by myself... i am such a little kid

want many one to stay if me although i kn it couldn't happen

at least bb won't come back and stay with me

i don't want to be that anym0re

i am trying to be m0re gd in the lesson.. i started to st0p making s0 much n0ise

i am trying to do many thingz...  but there had no one kn beside me

i don't ready to do everything by myself,, i kn i can't do it

but who can help.. i had done many thingz to hurting u right?

i am BAD.. very BAD

no one will be w0rse than me,, 0k?

i don't ever change even someone told me to.. i was crazy

u kn wt? everytime i l00k at u and found out that u are going out with other guy

u kn wt i feel?

wtever.. i think there hv no one care.. i suck

the first day don;t hv mood to go outside hv lunch and finally stay at school to waiting someone to buy f0r me

really the first time.. c0z i l0ve going out there><

i want to cry at lunch.. but i didn't g0t a hug

i miss bb s0 much/3\

stay at school after school.. kind 0f runing out 0f sth

i don't want to face any thingz... can i just hv a sleep and f0rget anything else?

ya i kn i CAN'T.. although i can hadle it` i really don't want to

i am stupid,, right?

LIFE WITHOUT FRIENDS!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

h0ld.

0h.. i hv such a long time didn't go to q00za's site

don't kn wt's happen-_-

all these days.. i keep 0n agrue with bb

sometimez is f0r TD,, sometimez is f0r mrblue

really don't kn wt happen with bb

i hate that!.v.

y he always scold me c0z 0f the little thing

i just went out with mrblue and many otherz fdz

i told to bb that i w0n't l0ve mrblue f0r many time

he don't even try to trust me

15.9.2008

bb phoned me..

c0z that day i told to him that TD sms and phone me

TD always say some word that really..-0-

he said he didn't see me f0r a long time even that was a school day

and i told that to bb;; he is very angry

he hurted himself.. w0rried about him><

bb` trust me.. i don't even want to hurt u

23.9.2008

seven m0nthz with bb lu..

didn't feel very happy.. c0z seemz nth to talk with bb

i wish he will call me,, just like last time when we together f0r half year

but he didn't.. he said he can't call

without any reason

don't he kn that i wait f0r his call f0r a longlong time?

waiting is that suck.

started to hate waiting f0r bb>< i am tired 0f it

i want to listen his v0ice.. i miss it  s0 much

and hving T8 0n that night.. very thing becomez bad

24.9.2008

mr m0k birthday.. but i am scare 0f saying happy birthday to him><

and we are hving holiday

but there was 0nly T3..but that;s s0 gd

al0though bb seemz very bc and n0t all0w to reply me

then talk phone with 0phe and jeffrey

one by one 0f c0z..

i think i hv s0me feel with jeffrey>< l0ved one jeffrey in canada t00

the hk jeffrey seemz going in bb's p0se

all the thingz he done to me just like a b0yfd work

don't kn wt am i thinking-3-

T0DAY.

so tired 0f these lesson and with bb

he t0ld me to go to school earlier again.. seemz don't wanna chat with me

i hate that.. he can tell me he is bc

i hate him.. and i miss him a l0t

getting crazy! keep on call 0ut " i hate u" at school

and turn around.. i am all0wed to turn and turn

just hv a little want to v0mit.. i can still handle it

really don't like this feel

i want bb to stay with me// sometimez i seemz see bb at school

but just 0therz's back..

and everytime i come over the playground

i am thinking 0f bb and imagine he is in there t00

after school.

hv a meeting' and i skip the class f0r failed the math quiz

still l0ving bb;; but i g0t l0st

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

h0ld.