I can't believe, I found the song that i have been looking for........... I am waiting for him online, I gotta to send this song to him. I want him  to listen, want him to feel about my feeling  .  

I sudden feel crisis about my future, i don't know why.................. !

I have  been hurted by my mum, not physcially but my soul. Hard to make a recovery, but my little girl "Dolu", she is in season now and i want to breed her. I want to do this and have been waiting for a very time. I know im busy, i should concern on my study, but this is the only thing can make me happy so far. I have found a breeder for her, the breeder's stud dog is a very beauty little guy , i showed the picture to him this morning and he loves the little dog ,too.   One more thing, fat boy (zuxing) he agreed take me to Boston, thank you so muchfor him, he is very kind, right? 

I am so looking forward. That breeder told me alots of things, such as when Dolu can be mated, how to, and how to take care of her........... etc. I am going to be a grandmun soon, i hope........ hahaha......... Am I making a happiness for myself within the sad world? I don't know, i don't want to think that much, don't want to care that much............. I have to make myself happy in order to keep living in this world.

I hate my mum, i hate her more than anyone, more than anything in my life......... why she always make my life feel so hard, because of her, i lost my happieness, my own objective, everything............ WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?
WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?

Eveything upset me are because of her, everything hurt me becasu of her, everything make me lost because of her, everything make my life hard is she brings to me......... why she is my mum???????? I wish i never konw her, i wish i never born in this world if i knew she is my mum,  i wish she can get out of my life forever, i wish i can shout to her, i wish i can................

I want to marry him, i love him more than everyone, but i know indeep that iam not already yet. 

the rain finally stop for a while today, of course can't miss the chance to let my 3 monsters out for walk. They were so happy, because  they haven't been out for nearlly a month  . Very luck,  it started raining soon after we back home.

I feel so down today, first because my period make me very tried , second, got some bad news. I guess 2006 definitely is not my year, never stop worring things one after one. Very fidget and down now........................................i want to kill myself, i start to hate everyone around me, everyone i know. I even start to hate him left me alone to assume everything, although non of his business. WHO CAN BRING ME SOME HAPPINESS? WHEN GOOD THINGS START TO HAPPN TO ME?

Got so angry with Grace ........... My mum rang me today and told me that my uncle called Grace's dad  have a little chart. Grace's dad said if want to get job in HongKong that must study a master course, i knew Grace is going to take a master course and I also asked her why before. She only told me that was her dad ask she to do so, she never told me that is because easy to get in HK. I really don't mind she tell me any information or not, but at least when i ask her, tell me the true porpuse. CHEAP BITCH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, .

I never expect or hope any of my friend can help with anythings. I tell her a lot of things/information, i never hope can receive any information from her as a return, but just don't lie or hidding things from me when i asked. I hate that so much................ i want to ask her" will i do anything harm u if u tell me the truth? r u shame about urself? "

Be very honest, I never trust anyone except my mum and dad or maybe partly from him. I am not going to tell her anything from now on, i don't think what i am going to do is childish, this is just the lesson i drawn today........... holding  everything with urself, don't let anyone know.

It is hard for me now to live with her under the same roof, i don't even watch her eyes when i talking to her. Something i have to say................ FUCK HER TO HELL