OMG!

i can't believe that today is tuesday again and i have to go to school

i used to think that i have already get rid with the unwanting feeling toward school.

however, i realized that i didn't............ i really don't wnat to go to school

i am lack of sleep for the whole week and yesterday, the last day of my 3 day holiday, i could finally sleep 11 hours but i am lack of sleep today again

i am so frustrated right now for something about school

i am still thinking if i should go to the meeting of mock trial at school

mock trial is a mock court that different people took different positions and they debated on the team

i am really interested in it but then i am afraid to join the team

i am afraid that people will laugh at me as an immigrant joining those debate teams

i don't know if i should go and try for it

i need to have more activities because i need them for college transcript

omg!! how come colleges want so many things from us

cross country is killing me already and there's more nad more troubles and decisions in front of me

i don't know how to solve them and i am afraid to solve them

seriously, guys,  life is extremely tough

people told me that these three years are going to be the toughest school life and after that, everything is over and i can enjoy my life in college

however, someone else told me that these three years are tough BUT the college life is tougher because people in there are all genius and u have to compete against them

omg!! what does it mean?

do i have to suffer until i graduate from high school and i have to suffer more when i graduate from college?

and then i have to worry about my career and get a job and get money?

what the heck??? i have to really stop thinking and concentrate on my hw at 7:38am

i don't wnat to go to after school tutoring today..... but i have to go for extra credit.. i so want to sleep right now...... i don't wnat to run....life life life

Today is Sunday

It's an actual Sunday to me.

i spent half of my afternoon watching drama, hehe

i am so glad that i can do it since i didn't watch drama for this long since last Saturday

OMG!! i regretted spending that much time on drama because i totally forgot that i have a lot of hw from the tutoring place

i have a lot of english and maths practice questions and i have 71 new vocabs to memorize

i think that i won't be able to live through today

well... today is not as happy as i was before in drawing class

i continued on my favorite piece again but i had to color my picture the whole time

i spent half of the period coloring the leaves and branches and then the teacher finally taught me something

he taught me how to color the graphs with two colors to make the graphs to have reflections, dark and light sides, and 3D feel

omg!! he spent a few seconds coloring it and the grape looks perfect

however, those colored by me look like a disaster!!!!

i ruined my picture with that bad coloring skill

however, my teacher praised me a lot for my hw- the dogs

he showed others and told them, "this is hw. Learn from Kathleen, u guys"

haha... i was so happy afterwards since he praised me and gave me a A++ for this assignment

time for hw right now....

why?

why is life so tough?

i admit that i failed.... i told myself last week to not to cry for my life anymore

however, i failed.... i cried again for the toughness of my life

i can't believe that i am doing it right now.... ican't  believe that i am making myself to suffer

i really want to get into harvard, but then how much hard-work do i need in order to get into it?

will i be able to live through it?

i lost all of my motivations for everything

people said that life is meaningful and school is fun

i don't think so

my life is left with hw, tests, and school, and practice

i understand that in order to overcome everything, i have to be tough

but i can't... i can't do it.... all i know is how to cry

when i am depressed, i cry

when i feel pressure, i cry

when i am angry, i cry again

what else can u do when u have a lot of unfinished work?

it's the first time ever i am so unconfident on this....

i lost myself.... i can't tell myself that i have no feelings because i have it

i don't know what i should do.......

life has to go on.... life is tough.... life is life.... work hard for 2 years and everything will be paid off

remember this... work hard for 2 years and everything will be paid off

ONE LAST DAY!!!!

one last day until weekend comes

omg!! this week seems forever since i am working so hard every single day since last thursday!!

it sounds so crazy to me since i have never been this hard-working before except for the only exam in my F1 life in HK

tomorrow is the last day of the week and the toughest day ever

tomorrow, i go to school at 7 again

then, i have to spend my last minute to study for history since there's a ginormous chapter exam for history!!

i am going to work really hard tonight for it

then, after the exam, it's a vocab test the next period

after the vocab test, there's a ion names and symbols quiz

after that, it's the stupid pride class that we waste time on

thank god i don't have to run tomorrow because i have to go to the tutoring place

it's right after school until 7pm

omg!! it's the first time ever and it sounds so crazy for me already

and then i will get home and eat dinner.... and eat medicine also since i am super sick right now

coughing and sneezing, the medicine doesn't work, have to eat the chinese medicine, have not enough sleep, exercise craziy!

when i get home tomorrow night, i have to finish my drawing too.. hw for the drawing class  and it's super hard'

but then i enjoy it

okok!! i am complaining too much over here

at least i have monday off!! it's labor day in america on monday so that we don't have to go to school. yeah!!!

u guys iin hk are so lucky since u are at school right now nad it's friday for u already, haha!! enjoy ur school day and i have to work hard right now

I learned something today...

it's pretty important

i learned that no matter how hard u try to hide ur emotions out, it's not successful

one might think that lying to himself or herself about how much he or she doesn't care about it

and then, one might slowly forget about what he or she was feeling before and get used to the feeling from the lie

however, those who know u enough can tell that u are not urself or can actually feel what u are feeling

depression or sadness can't be hidden any how

u covered it up and hid it in the deepest of ur heart

u suck in the tears that were supposed to drip out

u buried all the tragedies with the lies

however, it's not successful

the easiest way to tell is to look at the writings of those individuals

no matter how hard u hid the emotions, they will always unpurposely slip out between the lines of ur essay

why to persuade someone not to lie to themselves on their true emotions?

people always say that "beautiful lies" don't matter as long as they don't hurt anyone

lying to yourself doesn't hurt anyone

some how, it helps that person to feel their true emotions and give them some spare time without strong emotions or sadness

life is tough, everyone has to admit it

which way do u choose to live through ur life?