Today is like a break-through for me

i am proud of myself

seriously, no sarcasm, not being self-centered

i am so so so happy that i made it

today is the hottest day ever since school starts

i think it reached over 105 degrees Fahrenheit because we had to postpone the cross country race for 1 hour

at 1pm, when i was walking up the stairs to go the 6th period, the air was so stuffy that i could barely breathe

at that time, i was thinking what will happen when i run the race later on of the day

then, i was struggling whether to run the race or not and i was like decide it when i get to there

then, i worked on hw for one hour and then the coach asked us to get ready

i was willing to do so at that time and then the coach gave us the last commend before the race

he told us that he knew that the weather is tough today and he needs everyone to run

i was thinking "Oh yeah.. whatever u say"

and then he said directly to me in front of the other girls that Kathleen, u get it?

he told me before that he knew that it's tough for me because i have never been the below middle group of anything

he knew that i am always the top of the group and he encouraged me before the race

he told me that the team needs me and he needs me also

i was so delighted after he said it because he ensured my existence

then, the race was very tough but i kept encouraging myself with some kinds of motivations

finally, under the hottest weather, i finished the race and actuallly improved 7 seconds

i was surpised that i improved because i thought i got slower

even though i am nnow in the middle of the group, i don't mind anymore

it's a challenge for me and i knew that

i am not built as an athlete and i had to use all my efforts to help myself to be one

i have to always be hopeful and should not give up

I thought i could fully control my emotions and my desire for entertainment

however, today proves that i am still an apprentice for that

i woke up early as 7:30 in the morning and started working on my hw

i was so hard-working and i finally finished my drawing and some studying

then, i relaxed myself 40 min before going to drawing class becuase i can't be tired during drawing class

then, i watched drama for a while and then i enjoyed my time during drawng class

i went home and i am exhausted

i was tired and i found out that i didn't sleep over 8am since last Monday

i am so lack of sleep and now apathy is intuding my mind

i don't know why do i feel this way but i don't want to study again

omg!! i have so much to do and i won't be able to finish them unless i have one day without anyone around me to work on them

can anyone help me?? i am so depressed right now and i just want to go to watch drama

what kind of life is that?

i have my computer right in front of me and i have to turn it on becuase the hw is on the computer

however, the computer at the same time is tempting me to watch drama

i so want to watch drama but i have to control myself

i am tired of it

it's enough... too much... i am tired of controlling myself

let me free.... free from the overload and pressure

freedom, my desire for the rest of the year

Oh my Gosh!!!

i am totally pissed off by the maths problems.

they are so annoying and testing u all ur knowledge

i just toook a 3.5 hours test in ACi and i have to go home and do more maths problems for ACI hw

i am completely insane right now because i am going to once again fail my history test

the test is on monday and i am sure that i don't have enough time to study for it

i didn't even finish reading the whole chapter yet

how am i going to pass the test?

i really don't have enough time this weekend to finish all of my work

i am going to die nad i won't be able to sleep well for sure

when will the teachers ever again give us like a tiny break for me to relax for a while

the hw and studying and new vocabs from ACI took away at least 1 hour every night when i didn't even review the stuff from ACI

i really want improvement in ACI but i just don't have the enough time for it

what am i going to do?

i am annoyed by everything and i really don't know how am i going to live through the spare tiime without spare time and drama

omg!! life just sucks so much and i think my character will be 360 degrees different from what i was before when i graduate from high school

because of the stressful tests and hw

I am getting used ot the cycle of life, the cycle of school

this year, next year, nad the year after that are 159 cycles (weeks) of hard-work and no rest

monday and friday are tests days which teachers love to assign tests on those day

friday is also the due day of lab report

then, tuesday is homework day which i have to work on hw for teh whole entire day

wednesday is the race day whcih all of the races of cross country take place

thursday is the projects and weekly homework for history to turn in

life is long and tiring

however, we have to get used to the cycle because the beginning is always the easiest

wait until u get to the 50 something cycles and u will be non-human

today is the firsst time since saturday that i could have an hour of free time to watch drama

tomorrow is friday but then it's the beginning of the tough weekend with projects and aci

i have to work hard and harder and the hardest to reach my goal

be tougher!!

Infinite amout of Hw and tests

now, i am truly afraid that i won't be able to finish all of them on time

i can't explain what my feeling right now is because on one side, i am glad that i don't hvae free time to think of anything else

in another word, i don't have spare time to force myself to join some activities that i don't want

on the other hand, i am complainging and my friends are complaining more often to me about how tough school is getting

the status of all of my sophmore friends is so much school work.. don't have weekends

this situation applies to me too

this weekend, i didn't have any free time except for 2 hours on sunday to watch drama

the whole saturday, i spent the day on ACI and same as Friday after school to 8 pm

however, the biggest trouble to me right now is  that my family is planning to get a dog

my aunt's friend has a baby dog that's 10 months old and they are looking for a master for it

my brother so wants it and i know that there's a specific reason to it

because my brother's special one has a dog too.. he wants to be the same

therefore, he's persuading my parents to get the dog and he will be responsible to it

however, anyone who knows me knows that i am super super super super scared of dog

whenever i see dogs, my heart starts to pound so hard and my sweat starts to come out

only u guys who are afraid of animals willl understand my feelings

those who love dogs would think that i  am exaggerating right now but i am really not

i am mentally scared of dogs but no one in my family cares

my brother wants a dog, my mom said dog have human characters and they will bring infinite happiness

my dad simply has no opinion to it becuase he likes animals too

i am the youngest in the family and i simply have no say to it

now, it's 3 against 1

booo!!!! i lost!!!! are we actually getting a dog??

no way.... i am going to freak out everyday