for this week, my mood is just getting worse and worse with no happiness or excitement

that's not true.... there's a lot of "excitement"s

starting from monday, there's a lot of "surprising" homework assignments, projects, nad presentations in addition to the already existed ones

how can i be happy when i am struggling with the overload of homework and i knew that i wouldn't be able to finish all of them

i was thinking if i could give up any one of the homework assignments but then i found out that it's no possible

what am i going to do with all the homework

now,, it's not the homework that's troubling me

it's the ACI stuff and the PSAT that's coming up this week

i can't miss any of the essays this week for ACI because i didn't turn in two of them already

in addition to completeion, i have to make improvement on it or that i have to redo alll of them again

i am so depressedd right now thta i had no expectations for anything at all

omg!!! it's so stressful

the only thing that's pleasing me right now is my grade in all the subjects

i think that it's the only motivation left to keep me moving

the first rain of the year

i am now sitting under the shelter but it's raining heavily around me

i feel so warm beccause i am not under the rain and i have thick sweater on

life will be better if i don't have that much hw

i won't  be able to live for these few days until Sunday, i guess

i don't know if i should be happy or not

how come all the teachers are having so much expectations on me evenn though i am not the most brilliant in their classes?

today, in history, the first grading period ended and we got to know our score

my grade in that class is so good that i am doing so well on the previous tests

i got a very high score that is approaching the highest but the teacher told me that i have to work harder

he told me that he wanted me to get a 100% in his class evetually

didn't u know from the first day that i don't like history and i am just working harder and harder for my grade?

why do u still have such a high expectation on me?

in chinese, the teacher told us that she understood that eveyone in her class had a different chinese level and someone in her class is superior in chinese

therefore, she set a different expectation on that person and asked that person to work the hardest as one could

did u recognize me slacking off in that class?? why to work so hard if i am having over 100% in ur class already

today in cross country, i don't know if i should be happy about it or not

we are having one of the toughest workout today for the upcoming league meet

we were to run 5 miles today and he said that he's going to pull someone off when it's appropriate

after the third miles, everyone was exhausted and my friend was catching up with me even though she was always behind me in races

then, he told my friend and other people to go back and left me, the only inexperienced person, to run with the advanced people

i thought that he didn't see me and therefore didn't tell me to return

however, in front of all the others, he told me that, "u the little bug that always drags behind with ur friend. i know that u have the potential and can run a lot faster but u are just letting urself to stay behind"

do i really have the potential

well.. maybe i did because after he said that to me, i ran a lot faster and harder

however, i don't want to kill myself for reaching my potential

i am extremely tired after running the practice

in my life, academic is way more important than sports

even though i want to be the top runner too, but that i will be dead if i try too hard in cross country because i didn't have enough sleep and i am stressed out from SAT

i can't deny the truth that sophmore year is an extremely tough year

however, i know that everyone else is busy too

therefore, i always have a belief that if everyone else can live through it, i can live through it also

even though i am thinking like this, people around me keep discouraging me

in fact, they weren't saying devastating things that make u to feel sad

they were pitying me

people that i know who are very strict and have an extremely busy life pitied me and told me that my life this year is way too tough

he was once a sophmore but his life wasn't as busy as mine

i kind of agree that my life is way too tough than i have ever imagined but it's okay

i know that hard-work will be paid off as long as i keep myself motivated

however, people, please don't be sympathetic with me because i would soften my heart if u do so

i am not pitying myself either

i don't think that having a tough life is going to be bad or torrential because i have stoned my heart

i have to accept the truth that i am not as lucky as others and therefore i had to work for my grade and work for my future

i feel so stressed out right now

i am so stressed out today

after the presentation by the counselor during english class, i felt like there's no fun in the world after all

the counselor implied to us that the people in ur class are no longer ur friends

they are ur competitors

every single homework assignment and tests are so important that they are all counted

he reminded us that these two years, sophmore and junior years are so important because colleges pay close attention to them

i am already working so hard right now that my pressure is a heavy thing on my back

however, after today, i felt like my life right now is work and fight and get the first place

if i am not the first in my class, i am a loser, a failure

i am so afraid that i am going to turn crazy after all

i am afraid that i would be too depressed and not be interested in life anymore

how come everything is so different from my understanding?

people being around me might not be my friends after all

they might be people who want to know my grades and want help from me

that's not the kind of friends i want