MR. Barone is right

sophmore year is the year when you would realize your sudden change in perspectice and change to being more mature

over the past four months, i realize my change very clearly

especially, the christmas break gives me extra time to think about my life and what i am having right now

then, i notice that some changes must be done in order to keep up with my current situation

things have been different to me over hte past four months

since school started, i was busy in school work, ACI work, and drawing so that i didn't have time to deal with problems

still, time can prove everything and make people to notice hte problems

there, i decided to be the one taking action again

life is sad.... i agree with this sentence

however, life is full of hope too

without giving up something, you would never realize how much it means to you and if there is other better in the world

therefore, let go of what you have as if you think that it is a burden and allow yourself to view it differently

you might find it surprising that it is very easy to deal with

indeed, it might allow help to reduce the stress in maintenance

2009 has been a very sad year for everyone around me

however, i think that 2009 has been a good year or the best year i should say until December

therefore, i wish that 2010 would be a better year for me and for everyone else

a new year is a new start

let's work hard to achieve what we haven't done in the past and forget about the sadness in the previous year

i woke uup early at seven in the morning today for no reason but to volunteer

today is the food distribution day for the homeless people so that we have to arrive there at 8:30 to help to pack up

since i have already wasted a day yesterday doing too little thing, i decided to wake up earlier to work so that i can spend my day wisely

after coming back from the work, i was exhausted becuase we worked like slaves

there were only 5 of us working there and packed up 62 boxes of toys and twenty something bags of them

it was so tiring and so filthy in there

i came home and started working madly becuase i have to do so in order to improve

i put a lot of expectations on myself this break to improve in every area that i am not excelled in

indeed, there are many of them

when i was so tired and depressed in teh afternoon, i checked my email and i was delighted afteward becuase of the comforting letter

i worked until 8, dinner time and i was very happy to announce my success of the day for working without rest

aside from  my happiness and pround, i was condemned with a sharp sentence, "if she wants to live without life, go for it" from my brother

at that moment, he depressed me because i used to be very pround with my accomplishment and i thought that it was very impressive

even so,  he couldn't alter my determination becuase i know what i want to do

to him, going to an okay college and socailize wiht his friends are his plans

to me, i have stricter disciplines and schedules for myself to follow after because i understand very well that without hardwork, i would receive nothing in return

therefore, i must work extremely hard this year and next year and the rest of my life to achieve my goals

i am not a person wthout life

i have friends, good friends, and best friends

i want life and fame

i cant believe that today is finally the beginning of christmas break

today, it is sort of happy because i got a lot of gifts today

however, taking notes in class and taking test on the last day of school was aboslutely not peaceful or enjoyable

still, minimum day makes my life to be so good because i can go home before 1 alll the gifts

however, i didn't get to rest a second today after going home

even thoguh it is christmas and i am supposed ot rest, i decided not to do os and save all the  time for studying and reading because i don't have any more time to waste

in order to rank in the top level in the school, i have no choice but to study as hard as other smart ones

after i went home today, i decided to clean my room up first because after moving in, i didn't have time to cflean it or fix it at all

i spent freaking one hour to clean the closet and organize my clothes but my mum told me to clean all the tiles of the house becuase my aunt and the other are coming over tonight to barbecue

afterward, i startedd on my SAT test for 3 hours and a half

it was so exhasuting but i knew that i couldn't rest anymore

yes, i was turning crazy because all hte stress from school and tests

even my friends noticed that

in one of the christmas card, my friend told me that i have to keep up and keep my charm without letting the stress to overwhelm it becuase i am an unique girl

i understand that but i really have to try very hard

have a nice christmas, everyone

pressure is pressing firmly on my body that i could hardly breathe

i am so so so so tired right now that i can go on no more

i thought that i changed, i really did think that

however, it's all illusion

after all, i am just as weak and not determinated as i was before

the more pressure i have, the worse i would perform

now, everything is just getting on me and i could not think right

i am sometimes thankful for my great and fruitful life

other time, i find it very contradictory since i didn't really know what i am aiming for

to me, the future is unknown and i am lost

where am i?

what should i do? i don't know i really don't know

right now, i am very excited

it's not the same place where i typed my diary

i am in the new house right now working on my homework

yes, i moved to the new house already and i feel very proud for doing so

even though today is a very very very very tough day for me, i am not tired in this new house

i am ready to work my hardest for it

i don't know how to describe my feeling right now because living in my own house is always a dream for me

it's not like i don't have my own  house in china or hong kong, it's that i am in america and lviing in a private house with a private swimming pool

no matter how tough my life is right now, i am ready to fight for it

this week, it's getting colder nad colder day after day in addition to raining

therefore, the morning is as cold as 36 degrees fahrenheit

even so, i still had to go to school a hour earlier and sit under the wind and freeze myself

today is also the first day of track and field practice

i am so tired right now that i ddin't want to work anymore

however, today is also the first day of hardwork again

the relaxing days are gone and the tough life came back

i have to keep fighting and never give up