today is a memorial day for me

it's my day of transformation into a crazy and nerdy girl who spent the whole day doing work without rest

waking up early as 6:45 in the morning, i quickly got dressed and cooked my breakfast

then,  i ate breakfast while reading hte history book to save time

because of the lack of sleep, i felt so sleepy and my head hurt so badly in ACI today

however, i kept myself awake and tried to live through until four

since the room was so humid, it was even harder for me to stay awake

however, i somehow lived through the day and my parents came pick me up at 4

without a minute of rest, they drove me to wedgeworth elementary school where i signed up for volunteering

i was assigned with the coin tossing booster and i worked there for an hour

there after, we cleaned up and walked around the school to see if there's any help needed

it was freezing cold today and i stayed under the wind with thin layer of clothes for two hours

finally, i went home at 7 somehting becuase i ahd to go to the new house to clean up and yeah

then, i started on drawing after dinner and finished it in an hour

then, i worked on homework and essay until now

it's only 10:28 and i am dying for sleep

when can i have some rest??

i am sure that even though i have no school since wednesday, i would die becuase of cramping all the work and finishing all the work and studying for several things

omG!! why is my life so desperate?

today, my mind went blank

how come we have so many decisions to make in life

how come i would always be affected by others when my determination was firm and unshakable

how come life is divided in dichotomy, success or failure, right or wrong

since last school year in April, i was determined not to join track and field again next year because of the hardwork

right now, i can't really remember what was the life in track but i could remember the toughness and unwillingness of myself involving in such an activity

today, my coach asked me again if i was going to PE and i answered him yes

after that, he gave us a long speech about our motivation to run and if we really want to be there

when the class was over, i asked him if i had to dress out tomorrow because it's a physical test for the upcoming athletes

and i am not one of them becuase i was determined not to join track

i have no idea why i hate the track so much because whenever i have to step up on the track, i just complain and complain until we have to start running

then, the coach answered me as why do i not want to join track

i told him that i like cross country a lot better than track because i hate running around the same place over nad over again

therefore, he told me that he's not forcing me to join track but it would be a great deal to me if i am not in the training for track this year

in his eyes, i am a potential runner who is not determined to give whatever i have and always dragged my feet behind

therefore, he told me that if i don't join track this year, it will be very tough for me to compete with the girls who are going to track and get trained

i understand this concept very well before the decision but now i am shaken

i know for sure that if i give in whatever i have, i can easily make into the varsity team and be a top runner of our cross country team

therefore, i really want to be in there even though it means that i have to run a lot next year and so on

i start to like cross country more than my freshman year but i still am uncertain on whethere i should join track and harm myself

however, there's no choice for me... the road in front of me is set and all it matters right now is how i am going to walk through it

we are finally approaching winter

winter, to me, is the most comfortable weather

you won't sweat in winter and cool wind will keep blowing to your face to awaken you from sleepiness

obviously, i need it very muchh because i am constantly dozing off and moping around the school

today, i went to ACI for 8 hours again but today is actaully not my day

i felt envious when i saw my friend getting a higher score than i did

even though i knew that it's really bad to have this feeling toward your friend, i couldn't control it but to admit it

however, i quickly forced myself to forget about it and be friendly again

i am kind of happy today because my english teacher in ACI praised me for my  improvement in grammar and reading comphrehension and appreciated my acceptance of criticsm

why do i say that?

because he again read my essay out loud in the class and critcize it

however, because of he doing so, someone came to me and told me that she loved my writing

i am glad to hear that

time is passing faster and faster

i am so tired right now because i have been working since 8 in the morning nonstop until now, 9:21pm

so tired and so tired and looking forward for another necessary holiday

how many weeks had it been since i once again have a feeling of freedom

not really, today doens't feel like a night before a holiday to me

at most, i can call tomorrow a catch up day with my unfinished and fall behind work

i procristnated too much today

finally, i broke down today nad could work no more

i really had to rest at school

therefore, i didn't use my time wisely and fooled around for the whole day

i felt like i was moping around the campus for the whole day but i actually did some great things

we continued our debate on whether French Revolution worth the human cost and i loved that

the debate was heated up because more nad more people are willing to argue

at first, it was a very formal argument when one side said its point and the other side had a person to argue

then, it turned to become an open argument where everyone could say something

i felt good while arguing over something with the support of my teammates

we are going to win, u guys

but then tomorrow is strictly a work day for me

it's only 9:06pm right now and i am already dozing off

i don't know if i would be able to live through if i actually have no more holiday

my family has been saying that it's my fault for joining so many things that would eat away all my weekends

but isn't it what u guys want?

a good grade and go to a good college

obviously, it's what i want too but then i really want support instead of teasing me

i am too tired to talk back

too tired to do so

a bit of relax and procistination is necessary to keep life moving

why is that? because it's my personal experience

i have been working my hardest in my whole life since last monday until today

finally, i had an absolute break-down today at school

i always love math that i would never get tired of the class even though people said that the teacher is not interesting and has a boring voice

however, i was so tired in math that i wanted to go home when the class first got started

i felt so exhausted today that i couldn't pay attention to anything today

i was so tired that i just wanted to get done with my homework and not to listen in class

finally, i did it and didn't listen to the teacher at all

i finished a lot today but i kind of felt sad that i didn't do well in cross country

forgot to mention that i was tortured by my coach again yesterday

he picked me out before we started the run and told me to run with the fastest freshman or that i had to run again

therefore,, i ran my legs off and my arms and back and legs were going to fall apart

today, we had to practice for cross country again as usual and i couldn't run at all

i was trying to run faster but then my legs and my arms were jsut so out of control that i had difficulty running 400m after a mile of warm-up

what the heck was that?

however, i am so pleased right now because i didn't have pressure that much

i am so glad that tomorrow is going to be my big day

first of all, it's the first time that i am excluded from the final race of the year for cross country (it's the other coach's mistake for not putting my name in the list and the harsh coach got so pissed for that ... oh well.... lucky me)

second of all, i am going to take my braces off!!!!!!!

how lucky is that!!!

tomorrow, i will have my big smile back because there's no braces restriction!!

yeah!!